What the bride of the '90s wants in her big day, her man and her love life

Ebony, June, 1997 by Muriel L. Whetstone Sims

A woman's wedding day is one of the happiest 24 hours she will spend, no matter where she ties the knot--in church, in a judge's chambers, or on a tropical island. The center of everyone's attention, the bride, accompanied by her groom, is the queen of the lovers' ball and the recipient of best wishes from her family, friends and acquaintances.

Many women of the '90s dreamed as young girls of having big traditional weddings with all the elaborate trimmings. They envisioned themselves floating down a church aisle on a cloud of white chiffon and lace, entertaining wedding guests at copious dinner receptions and spiriting off with their new husbands to romantic honeymoons in exotic places.

With the passage of time, some Black women have scaled down their wedding-day dreams. Perhaps their cloud of chiffon is not quite as luxurious as they thought it would be. Or perhaps their wedding party isn't as large as they might have planned.

Other brides have replaced their childhood visions with other preferences. Increasing numbers of brides, for instance, are choosing Afrocentric weddings. Some of them are even jumping the broom at their formal weddings. And more and more brides are getting married in places other than a church, choosing instead to wed at local clubs, on lakefronts or in private homes.

But an informal survey of brides featured m Jet magazine and wedding consultants suggest that most brides of the '90s still want the wedding of their childhood daydreams.

Most of the brides surveyed decided to stick with tradition and have weddings like Felice McConnell Corpening of Fayetteville, N.C., who walked down the chapel aisle to the chords of "Here Comes The Bride" with her father, who gave her away to her groom, James L. Corpening Jr. Eight bridesmaids, eight groomsmen, two flower girls and two ring bearers stood at the altar with the couple. Then, before the minister and more than 500 guests each vowed to love, honor and cherish the other.

After the ceremony, the newlyweds mingled with guests at a sit-down dinner reception and danced for the first time as husband and wife to "Never Felt This Way" by Brian McKnight. They later left for a 7-day cruise of the Caribbean islands, before settling down into what they each hope will be a fulfilling and happy life together.

"The celebration, ceremonies and rituals seem to be important for people to have as a part of their marriage ceremony," says Dr. Gail Wyatt, a premarital counselor and a psychiatry professor at the University of California in Los Angeles.

Besides the details of their nuptials, women of the '90s are also concerned about all the days that will follow their big day. Chief among a bride's questions are: What changes will married life bring to our lives? And how long will the love that brought us to the altar sustain us once we pass through the church doors?

According to the survey, the answers to these questions are what make a bride choose her groom in the first place. She believes marriage will change their lives for the better and that the love they share will endure whatever trials and tribulations life tosses their way.

What many brides want in a groom is a man who not only loves who she is, but also loves the woman she is becoming. She wants a man with a steady job and a promising career, someone who has dreams and goals of his own. The man for her is someone who's fun-loving and adventurous, a mate who doesn't take himself too seriously.

Brides of the '90s may want a traditional wedding, but they are insisting on contemporary marriage relationships. They don't want a man's help with household chores--his help implies the work is ultimately her responsibility--she wants him to share the chores with her, to get his hands dirty and take the initiative in some areas.

Virgilia (fish) Burnette Campbell-Whitter of Adelphi, Md., puts it best when she says of her relationship with her husband, Calvin, "We share bills, household chores, all of that, 50/50. It's very important because I'm a working woman, and I'm just as tired as he is."

Brides also report that they married men who understand that the wife's success ultimately belongs to both of them. Rather than feel overshadowed by their salaries, job titles and professional prestige, these grooms are proud of their brides and are willing to put their support on the line to prove it.

Asked to name the five major reasons she fell in love with her husband, Kevin, Cynthia Williams Turner of Champaign, Ill., says, "First of all because of his ability to communicate his dependability, his sense of purpose and his ability to promote and uplift me without feeling threatened."

In her love life, today's bride wants a groom who has mastered the art of romance--a wise man who knows that seduction begins long before the lights go dim. She wants a man who knows the power of candlelight dinners, quiet moments alone and flowers for no particular reason other than to say "I love you" or "I'm thinking about you." A career woman who has to be tough and resilient from 9-to-5 wants to be pampered when she gets home at night. Compliments and hugs and kisses are welcomed at any time of the day.