Old fools, new drips

Flower & Garden Magazine, Feb-March, 1995

Well, I suppose I can kiss these reasonable water bills good-bye," my wife said as she was writing out checks to the utility companies. Usually I know enough to keep my mouth shut when she uses that tone of voice but I made the mistake of replying, "Hmmmh?"

"Don't pretend you don't know what I mean," she said. "Once you get into the garden this spring, I'm going to see our water bill double in one big hurry."

I put the newspaper down just low enough to look her in the eye. "The water bill goes up in the spring because you have to wash every wall, window, door, floor and ceiling. It's amazing this darned house hasn't worn out with the scrubbings you give it."

"My spring cleaning doesn't use one-tenth the water that your watering rituals do," she countered. "Every evening after I've washed the dishes and want you to go for a walk with me, you use the same old excuse: `I've got to water the garden,' you say. While you stand there with a hose like an old fool, I have to walk alone."

"Good grief, woman, if it doesn't rain I've got to water the garden."

"I'll bet there's an article somewhere in that newspaper about water conservation," she said. "You know, if you would take a crowbar to your wallet and invest in a drip watering system, we could keep our garden watered automatically, save money on our water bill and you could get some exercise by walking with me every night."

The whole brouhaha started because she thinks our water bill is too high and then she turns around and calls me a cheapskate because I won't invest in some fancy drip irrigation system. I was just about to say something else when I noticed an ad for a drip watering kit on sale for under $20 at my favorite hardware store. I don't like to let my wife ever think she's right, but a trip to the hardware store was my ticket out of the house.

Lucky for me, it was Herb's day to help out at the hardware store. Like me, Herb is retired and needs to get out of the house once in a while. I asked him why this drip irrigation thing was supposed to be so much better, and more economical, than a good old-fashioned hose and nozzle.

"Well," he drawled, "you see, Doc, drip irrigation targets the water directly at the plant's root zone and is applied very slowly. That means less moisture is wasted by wind or sun evaporation, and you don't end up watering the patio, sidewalk and deck like you do with a hose. And, because the water is applied slowly over extended time periods, your plants will develop deeper, stronger roots. Of course, an old cheapskate like you probably only cares about how much money you'll save on your water bill."

I shook my head. "Did my wife tell you to say that?"

He laughed. "Doc, everybody calls you a cheapskate. But really, you should notice a difference in your water bill, especially during a hot, dry summer, because while a hose can spew gallons of water per minute, a drip irrigation system only distributes about a gallon of water an hour."

Just then my daughter-in-law walked into the store. "Buying a new toy for yourself?" she asked.

"This is no toy," I said, "it's a technical piece of equipment."

"Technical my eye," she scoffed. "It's just like putting a Tinkertoy set together. I'll send Scott over this weekend and he can help you."

I knew she was probably only trying to save on a babysitter, but I love my grandson and enjoy his company. When she dropped him off the following Saturday morning, we set to work installing the drip irrigation system in my vegetable plot. Since this part of the garden is in rows, we ran the half-inch tubing from our water source to the nearest row, then placed the other tubing in a zigzag manner between each row. Once the tubing was in place, we inserted one dripper every 12 inches, allowing about one per plant.

Scott easily fit the tubes, fittings and emitters together. I thought it was more like running fish tank tubing from the filter to the air pump than playing with a toy.

Now, by simply turning the emitters to an open, partially open, or closed position, I can control the flow of water, or even stagger it to water every other plant.

I know that this drip irrigation system isn't going to completely eliminate manual watering of all the plants on my property, especially the lawn. Maybe I am a cheapskate, but I'm not fool enough to invest in designing, installing and managing a full-scale system to reach every tree, shrub and flower bed from one main water source. But I figure starting small with this one drip system in the vegetable garden will probably teach me a lot about this newfangled method of irrigation.

Besides, I'll enjoy it while my wife takes evening walks alone and I'm in the yard, watering the lawn with a hose.

Doc Sprockett, after selling his small engine repair shop in town, "retired" to the country. Loyal customers continue to track him down. He reluctantly agreed to write an equipment maintenance column for us, hoping if he told people how to take care of their own equipment, they would bother him less!