Sex and sensibility: a faith-based view: sex educator tackles tough issues with young teens

National Catholic Reporter, Sept 19, 2003 by Patricia Lefevere

Some argue that eighth-graders are too young for such topics. The doctor disagrees.

"These kids are bombarded with this stuff from outside. Either they get the information inaccurately, with all the biases and perspectives of our hedonistic culture, or they get it from loving parents at home and informed teachers in class," he said.

Eighth grade is the perfect time, he said, to delve deeply into issues about change, growth and choices up the road. Youngsters are experiencing and seeing changes in their bodies and their psyches just as they are deciding where they will go to high school, who they will date and what they will become. They are also preparing for confirmation, the sacrament by which they become adult Christians.

To facilitate discussion between teens and their parents, he sends home questions concerning dating, career plans and personal abilities. The list also includes inquiries about prayer, purity and what positive activities a pupil will do to maintain a healthy mind, body and spirit. He asks students to examine their relationship with family and friends and to reflect on what kind of family they would like to have and who will be their friends as they move into a larger world.

In his years of teaching, he's found that all his students intend to marry and have families. To date none has expressed interest in a religious vocation or the single life.

The take-home packet also contains the "True Love Waits" commitment to sexual abstinence before marriage. Although Guiliano said he has been "surprised how innocent" most of his suburban students are--based on their answers to his 33 questions--he is also aware that virginity until marriage "is an open question" for most of them. When he asks students at the first class whether they aspire to a life of virginity before marriage, about half of them give him that "Are you crazy?" look, he said.

In the first class, Guiliano entices them to think about their future spouse. What should this person be like, what special qualities will he or she bring to the relationship? To focus their attention, he brings a Tiffany & Co. blue gift bag to each class and sets it in the middle of the desk, telling them that he has purchased their "first wedding present."

For their final session, Guiliano gathers the class in church and reads to them Paul's Epistle to the Ephesians with its opening chapters about what Christians should believe and its final chapters about how they should live. "God wrote you a letter," Guiliano tells them, "because he knew you'd be in that spot one day."

Students bring their commitment to chastity to this session--a sign, he tells them, of their willingness to try to live purely until marriage. "Keep in mind that person you want for your spouse," he tells them. "Pray and pray often. Avoid persons who cut you down. Eliminate that which makes it more difficult to live a Christian life. Be humble, honest."

Live your faith, he exhorts them, in the Pauline spirit. "Get involved in your parish, school and community. Think about your choices. You are God's hands in the world."