From the city to the mountain: Jesuit-run retreat center gives families space to pray

National Catholic Reporter, Oct 8, 2004 by MaryEllen O'Brien

The last families of the last of the weeklong retreats held throughout July at the Bellarmine Retreat House in the Blue Ridge Mountains were packing their cars, getting ready to go home. Most of this group was from Washington and Baltimore. Ghivenchii Parker, one of the teenagers, crossed the field from Campion House where his family had stayed. I wasn't prepared for this--I had watched this young man, who is close to 6 feet tall and built like a linebacker, enjoy himself during the week, always with an aura of ultra-coolness about him. Now I noticed that his shoulders were shaking as he approached. As he got closer I saw the tears streaming down his face.

"I don't want to leave!" was all he said, his long cornrows bouncing as he spoke. This is the heart-wrenching conflict of necessary leavings. Looks to the contrary, Ghivenchii is only 14 years old, and he was headed back to the inner city of the nation's capital. Back in D.C. he would be busy--he teaches Tae Kwon Do to children. We urged him to take the joy of the mountaintop experience with him and share it with others in his community.

The families were departing from the Family Retreat Program sponsored by the Maryland Province of Jesuits annually in July. This is no conventional retreat. It is designed for entire families, or as much of a family that can come for the five days, Monday through Friday, to what they all refer to as "God's Holy Mountain." The mountain rests on the Mason-Dixon line. In fact, we would walk from the center, in Pennsylvania, to Maryland in a matter of minutes when we headed for the Appalachian Trailhead and an afternoon hike.

It's a place that blends the meanings of the word pastoral, being both a place of spiritual care and a place that is idyllic in its natural beauty and peacefulness. Here, for more than 20 years, the Maryland Jesuits have been providing a unique retreat program for inner-city families. The families come from Boston, Camden, N.J., Washington, Baltimore, Philadelphia and other East Coast cities. Most often the province subsidizes the cost.

What's so special is the program itself--a retreat that attempts to facilitate healing within families. Jesuit Fr. Ed Beckett once wrote that it is a retreat where families can "disarm captive hearts." Needing love and care is not weakness, he added, and we are all loveable. As long as a family member thinks otherwise, a healthy family life is impossible.

The retreat involves daily meetings in peer groups and family groups. Every day morning Mass is an option, but morning prayer, which is held a little later, is mandatory. We are a staff of 17 this year, and each morning we gather with the families outdoors in a large circle and pray. We pray for the "graces" that are to be found in our theme, "Lord, teach us to pray." We work through the Lord's Prayer during the week, and each part has its own graces, such as mercy, receptivity to receiving forgiveness, gratitude for rock-bottom experiences that open us up to God, generosity to forgive others, faith in times of doubt, and the ability to recognize the kingdom of God all around us.

Each day the staff acts out skits in the chapel to enhance the theme. The skits come from the parables and are often updated in rather ingenious ways. They usually manage to combine the serious with hilarity. Laughter, in fact, is one of the greatest gifts of the retreat. We found ourselves saying, "Lord, teach us to play!"

We also did kitchen duty rotations and house jobs, served on various task committees and in general did everything it takes to make a community.

The families came in all configurations. Mothers and children, grandmothers and grandchildren, mothers with teens who were also mothers, two-parent families and all manner of extended families. The majority of the families were black and Hispanic.

The second week saw an entire busload of families arrive from Boston's St. Mary of the Angels Parish in the Roxbury neighborhood. They come every year. When they return to Boston they immediately begin fundraising for the next year's trip. But this year was different. St. Mary's faces closure by the Boston archdiocese, and they did not even know if they would have their church home from which to raise those funds. The sense of pending loss was palpable, and the retreat was a place to help heal and strengthen them for what would lie ahead.

As a staff we were laywomen and men and vowed religious all living together in community for the duration of the program. Most were young adults, and most had been recruited from various Jesuit universities or schools of theology.

This year's retreat director, Brad Hamrlik, and assistant director, John Mulreany, were both Jesuit scholastics in "first studies" at Loyola University Chicago. Our chaplain was a newly minted Jesuit priest, Mike Woods, who received quite an initiation with his daffy work.

Every day was grounded in prayer and reflection. Individual spiritual direction was available both to staff and families.