Two books explore parenting as a doorway to the divine

National Catholic Reporter, Nov 19, 2004 by Mary Silwance

THE LITURGY OF MOTHERHOOD: MOMENTS OF GRACE By Kathleen Finley Sheed & Ward, 204 pages, $19.95

A NEW DAD'S GUIDE TO PLAYING GOD: REFLECTIONS ON THE VOCATION OF FATHERHOOD By James Penrice St. Pauls, 130 pages, $12.95

In their latest books, Kathleen Finley and James Penrice reflect on parenting in an invigorating light. Neither The Liturgy of Motherhood: Moments of Grace or A New Dad's Guide to Playing God: Reflections on the Vocation of Fatherhood addresses practical details of parenting. Neither offers numerous moving vignettes to help during tough times. Nor do they dwell in the mystical realm of parenting. Instead, each looks to church practices and Biblical instruction to demonstrate how all aspects of parenting are doorways to the divine.

By using liturgy as a paradigm to deepen a mother's journey, in The Liturgy of Motherhood Finley expounds on the myriad parallels between the two. Liturgy not only refers to the official church rites administered by clergy, but also encompasses practices of church members. Since family is the foundation of one's faith life, what transpires there, the domestic, mundane rituals of mothering, must inform and be informed by the traditions of the church.

Finley's skillful organization makes this potentially daunting exploration accessible to readers. Each chapter focuses on a particular liturgical period, its origins, themes and practices, and how these apply to motherhood. Further, contemplative attention is given to the specific paths of

motherhood. Whether for biological or adoptive mothers, for stay-at-home mothers or mothers employed outside the home, Finley provides pertinent scripture and discussion questions to encourage a deeper mindfulness of the season.

In the chapter on Lent, the themes of fasting and almsgiving are considered. The discipline of self-denial, implicit in fasting, provides mothers the opportunity to become at once empty and receptive to God. Similarly, when a woman becomes a mother, her focus shifts from herself to her child. This shift is linked to the discipline of almsgiving because the woman who has become a mother now must give of herself in profoundly unique ways. Interestingly, etymology of the word Lent refers to the lengthening of days inherent ent in spring, symbolizing how God stretches women into mothers. It is through the challenges of Lent and motherhood that we can perceive God more deeply.

Further, Finley asserts, a mother's spirituality is nurturing, reflecting how God nurtures us through his sacrificial love. And in case mothers have unrealistic expectations of being perfect like God, Finley gently points out that children "would not realize their own need for God if we supplied all their needs. So it is out of our own weakness and pain that God brings gifts for growth--for our children and for us."

The Liturgy of Motherhood encompasses the very tension of being Christian. Even though our actions and interactions are mired in the corporal, we are to be attentive to the spiritual. During Communion the body and blood of Jesus physically nurtures us as we commemorate his sacrifice. The bread and wine are made of common ingredients but become transcendent. Conversely, new life arises quite literally out of the mother's body and blood during childbirth. While breastfeeding, a mother gives of her very substance. Finley stresses that any time mothers tend to their children it is an occasion to realize how God tends to us. Each time a mother comforts her distraught child or delights in the child's accomplishments is an opportunity to infuse the ordinary with the sacred. It is an opportunity to gain insight into God's maternal nature and participate in God's creative, caring work.

While Finley inspires mothers to sacramental awareness and practice, James Penrice attempts similar guidance for fathers in A New Dad's Guide to Playing God: Reflections on the Vocation of Fatherhood. Penrice's foray into the sacred nature of fathering, however, pales by comparison. Whereas The Liturgy of Motherhood offers readers the resource of a historically rich, provocative bibliography that includes organizations and Web sites, Penrice relies mainly on dogma and personal experience. Thus Penrice's title is somewhat a misnomer because the book, despite the clever chapter titles, is more of a church primer than a fathering guide.

In the chapter titled "The 'Weaker' Sex," Penrice explores mothering as the way men learn to father. Penrice is so thorough in establishing the foundation for this premise, that the point of the premise gets short shrift. He takes an exhaustive look at the symbology of creation, the Paschal Mystery, birthing, Eve and Mary. Then he delves into substantiating why Mary and Joseph had consecrated themselves to perpetual virginity before Gabriel's visit. How all this leads men to becoming fathers though, is given hardly a cursory look. In "Baptism: The Rite Stuff," 12 informative pages detail the why and how of baptism. Although it is useful, one is left wondering how it would be specifically edifying to fathers. Indeed, this is true for much of the book.