For sex addiction, too, answers will be found

National Catholic Reporter, July 28, 1995 by John O'Neill

With regard to your editorial concerning clergy sex abuse in the March 24 NCR, perhaps I could share some thoughts with you. Forty-seven years ago, a priest founded the National Clergy Council on Alcoholism. His name was Fr. Ralph Pfau, but he was better known as "Fr. John Doe" because there was such a horrendous stigma attached to being an admitted alcoholic, in his time.

From the moment he founded NCCA, now the National Catholic Council on Alcoholism, until he died in 1967, it was his intention to educate anyone who would listen about how to become sober and stay sober. He held a yearly educational conference that still exists today. He wrote many works, including the famed "Golden Books," and perhaps most important of all, he personally drove his car alone, with all of his educational materials, all over the United States. He visited bishops and superiors who were willing to listen. Some were responsive and some were not.

Today, I have heard bishops and superiors say, "Give me an alcoholic anytime over these terrible sex cases." Why such a response? They now know what to do with an alcoholic addict, but none of us are very sure about a sex addict who happens also to be a priest. Like many others outside our church, we are still in the dark ages of this problem, even though it is as old as life itself. We are just beginning to learn and try different treatments. Naturally this will not nearly resolve the scandal and the crisis we are in as a church. Yet I venture to speculate that if we persist as a united church, we will not only find solutions to this sickness, we will as a church help other people take care of this disease. This is the story of alcoholism in the church. It does not raise the same fear, denial and guilt it once did.

Here at Wounded Brothers, we are experimenting. We have 11 residents, all with difficult problems. We try to see each of them as individuals and help them find their way to a new freedom from their addictions. It is too new to talk about success or to give treatment solutions. It will take years and many errors before we, the church, will be able to feel any comfort about this problem.

Needless to say most of the men will never function again in the public ministry, but we are trying to make them independent and able to adequately care for themselves and not rely on the church. Not only do we attempt to help the troubled and sick priest, but we involve ourselves with others in this field in order to learn from one another.

Knowledge and hard work, combined with a true faith in God, will eventually lead us to appropriate answers. We will not be so dependent on attorneys to tell us what to do or how to minister.

For now, to cite celibacy or "arrested development" or "bad formation process" begs the question. These issues in time have to be looked at, but not until the appropriate answers to sex addiction itself are found.

There are many of us who became priests in the Western church with nary a glance at celibacy because it was a "package deal." If you wanted to be a priest, you had to be celibate. The idea that celibacy was of itself a vocation and gift was not addressed by most of us. It was more a question of "biting the bullet" and hoping the grace of ordination would supply the needed strength to stay celibate. Most of us were young and very enthusiastic about being priests, and it was easy to think this way because we had encouraging families plus many good priest role models to imitate. We had not experienced much pain or failure. Therefore, there was not a great deal of humility.

For some, celibacy worked and continues to work very well. Unfortunately for other priests and their victims, they did not possess the charism. Yet many of these "bad" and "sick" priests did a good job of priestly service. There fore, God must have bestowed at least the gift of service on them at their priestly ordination. We must ask ourselves, do our sisters and brothers of the Eastern church have a better handle on the issue by allowing both celibate and married clergy?

This strays from the main issue of your editorial. For now, it is our sacred obligation to give quality service to the wonderful people who stay loyal to the church in spite of all they must endure. Their trust has been badly damaged, but they still believe in a loving and merciful God. One sees this as a priest. Our people are magnificent. They are loyal, supportive and loving. I have almost been brought to tears by the outpouring of love I have felt outside a church after offering Mass. The people's gratitude is simple and so genuine.

We must move from the "dark ages" of sexual addiction into a new day of faith-filled knowledge and renewal. We cannot give up now. The truth will free us from addictions.