Shaken … not stirred

Caught on the FLY

Hey, didn't you used to be a non-qualifier?

* You ask Fly (shaddup!), Jerry West's taken Dave Robisch-sized gamble in consummatin' the Rice-for-Eddie-n-Elden trade. Deal went down with 29 ticks left on L.A.'s regular-season dock and practice time limited by the lockout-sssqueezed schedule. So this here team has a new coach, "an unusual player" (Kupchak on Worm), a nine-game winning streak and one serious chemistry equation to solve. Two words, Lakes fans: Ka and blooey!

* Fresh from the Rumorama (two mongers, no waiting): Irish hoops fans (both of 'em) are smilin' 'bout prospects of John Paxson takin' over first chair. Course he/s in the Bulls booth right now, so you gotta know he's desperate to hop jobs.

* Fly hears strangers G.M. Doug Melvin's strainin' not to suh-weat Rafael Palmeiro's return from knee surgery. Raffle tells the Spies he'll be in the O.D. lineup, but that sounds unrealistic/optimistic (plus he'll be short-o-spring hacks). The reason for the sweat? A four-game first-week set vs. the Halos, then a 12-game road trip followed by nine against '98 playoff teams.

* Game dump for The Family or no ("Hey, take Fly's picture with Donny Shacks!"), the Spies say UCLA football's got ssserious internal mending to do. Holy Toledo! It was us (the O) ag'in them (the D) after loss to the `Canes, and now the Feds're sniffin' round? Good luck explainin' all that away come recruitin' time.

* The Spies say the Jugs Gun brigade was elbow-to-stopwatch last week, 10, count 'em, scouts puttin' pencil to paper on Kevin Appier. Let Fly count heads: Mets, `Stros, O's, Bosox, Philberts, Indians, Jays, Halos, Dodger$, Pirates and A's. Which begs the question: Who let those last two in? After all, if/when he's dealt, Ape's gonna cost $5 mil 12 months after shoulder surgery.

* Speaking of Appier and the Indians, Fly hears John Hart's hope-hope-hopin' that because K.C.'s more interested in salary dumped than talent acquired he can afford Appier now and Curt Schilling later. That's why he has moved Alex Fernandez and Kenny Rogers off open flame to back burner.

* If The Admiral's still a Spur while yer readin' this, well, that ship'll sail next year. Future of the franchise is Timmy Duncan, who the team's gotta try to re-sign after this season. With Twin Towers intact, this here team'd still lack pieces but be cap-strapped out of maneuverability. And then there's the buzz that the Demon Deacon'd never bloom in Mr. Robinson's shadow ...

* Finally, grassy-knoll theory numero uno up Cal-Gary way: Deal within a deal'll have Theo Fleury back in Flambe sweater after end-o-season Cup-run rental by the Avs. The Spies' response: Hellooo, anybody home?

Need a daily dose-o-Fly? Shaddup-n-surf over to sportingnews.com or AOL (keyword: TSN).

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