My season: a Bonds vs. Sosa grudge match, real mud-slinging from Selig and Fehr and other wild wishes for the year

Sporting News, The, March 25, 2002 by Ken Rosenthal

Another season is upon us. I'll root for players. I'll root for teams. And, because I'm a contrarian at heart, I'll root for perverse storylines that will upset the apple cart and disturb the powers that be.

The things I'd like to see in 2002:

The Yankees go down.

The Twins run away with the A.L. Central.

Donald Watkins buy the Twins to become baseball's first black owner, then build a new, retractable-roof ballpark with his own money.

Rickey Henderson and Johnny Damon appear on the cover of THE SPORTING NEWS, under the headline, "Rickey, Johnny and the Runnin' Red Sox."

Team Contraction (the Expos) beat up on Team Commissioner (the Brewers) in the first two games of a late April series in Montreal, then sell out Olympic Stadium for the third, with fans chanting, "Bud must go," in French.

Roberto Alomar avoid petty conflicts in his first season with the Mets. Alomar is distracted easily, but when focused, he is a joy to behold.

I'd like to see ...

Jerry Narron survive as Rangers manager.

John Rocker preach tolerance in every American League city with his new best friend, Carl Everett.

Mark Quinn land a supporting role in the next Rush Hour movie. Quinn, a Royals outfielder, cracked a rib practicing kung fu moves with his brother a week before the start of spring training.

Jeff Kent 'fess up on how he broke his wrist in exchange for a lifetime supply of free car washes. Kent, the Giants' second baseman, first claimed his injury occurred as he was washing his truck--and players love getting freebies almost as much as their millions.

Mike Piazza go deep--really deep--off Roger Clemens.

Ken Griffey Jr. slide into second base with his most outspoken critic, Pokey Reese, covering the bag.

A prominent slugger admit he uses steroids. "I've got nothing to be ashamed of," the player would say. "Steroids are perfectly legal in major league baseball."

Commissioner Bud Selig propose a ban on steroids and call for the players union to do the same. "We've got a problem," Selig would say. "And no self-respecting union would allow its members to do themselves potential harm."

I'd like to see ...

Agent Scott Boras become general manager of the Rangers. "Let's just make it official," Rangers G.M. John Hart would say after Boras storms into his office on the day of the amateur draft. Owner Tom "Anything you say, Scott" Hicks would accept Hart's resignation, of course, and Boras would trade Ivan Rodriguez--a client of rival agent Jeff Moorad--in his first hour on the job.

Barry Bonds hit his 33rd homer--and 600th of his career--on July 4.

A Bonds-Sammy Sosa steel-cage match replace the Home Run Derby the day before the All-Star Game. The bout would be the main event of "Summer Grand Slam," an event that finally would bring children back to the national pastime.

A Selig-Donald Fehr mud-wrestling match serve as the undercard to the Bonds-Sosa extravaganza. The loser resigns. So does the winner.

I'd like to see ...

A new owner in Baltimore.

A new owner in Tampa Bay.

A new owner in Anaheim.

What the heck, new owners for every team.

I'd like to see ...

Bob "I've got a hunch" Brenly reignite the Diamondbacks-Padres feud while managing the All-Star Game by sticking with Trevor Hoffman for 62 pitches after the Padres' closer allows the game-tying homer. "That's how I use my closer" Brenly would say, referring reporters--as if they needed a reminder--to Game 4 of last year's World Series.

Astros manager Jimy Williams kick owner Drayton McLane out of the clubhouse after a crushing defeat. "Manager's decision," Williams would say, invoking his two favorite words in the English language. "win" a trade.

Randy Johnson produce this pitching line: 9 IP, 0 H, 0 BB, 21 SO.

Expos manager--and former dean of discipline--Frank Robinson receive a 15-game suspension for decking Mets manager Bobby Valentine during an exchange of lineup cards.

Phillies manager Larry Bowa bow to Scott Rolen at home plate after he hits a game-winning home run--and then rip Rolen afterward for refusing to shake his hand.

I'd like to see ...

Sammy Sosa: 75 homers.

Ichiro Suzuki: .403.

Pedro Martinez: 30 starts.

Byung-Hyun Kim: 50 saves.

Jeremy Giambi: A spectacular hook slide at home plate clinching the wild card for the A's.

N.L. playoff teams: Braves, Cardinals, Giants, Cubs.

A.L. playoff teams: Red Sox, Twins, Mariners, A's.

Bonds: 2-for-26 in the postseason. Just kidding, Barry, just kidding.

My dream World Series: Cubs vs. Red Sox, Apocalypse Now. Sosa crushing a game-tying homer off Pedro Martinez in the ninth inning of Game 7 at Wrigley Field. The game going 23 innings, with each team leaving the bases loaded on six occasions. The winning run scoring on a suicide squeeze by Cubs reserve--and former Red Sox outfielder--Darren Lewis. Afterward, Lewis would reveal that he is a descendant of Babe Ruth.

My actual World Series: Cardinals over Yankees. The Yankees dropping the first two games at home, prompting owner George Steinbrenner to label Jason Giambi as "worse than Winfield." David Wells sparking a comeback by pitching a shutout in Game 3, and the Yankees returning to New York leading three games to two. Then, Rick Ankiel throwing a tidy eight-walk, six wild-pitch no-hitter in Game 6, and Tino Martinez hitting another dramatic Series homer at Yankee Stadium, lifting the Cardinals in Game 7.