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Mr. Jockularity

Sporting News, The, May 13, 2005

My company is putting together a softball team. I haven't picked up a bat in years and I'm afraid of looking stupid, but everyone else is playing. What should I do?--Dave, Chicago

Job 1: Yank that stick out of your butt. Do you realize how hard it is to be the worst player on a company softball team? Look around you. Is Russ from accounts payable making love to the vending machine again? News flash: Russ ain't the next Griffey. Unless you're a complete namby-pamby, you'll be as good as somebody on that team. The typical company softball squad is built like this: two youthful, well-built meatheads who can pound the hell out of the ball and believe it makes them special; three dudes in their 30s or 40s who exercise almost every day (read: avoid their families) and thus don't stumble around the bases as if they've just been shot; and everybody else. The thing about everybody else? They all suck-just like you! So who cares? Relax, try to have some fun for a change and pop for an extra round at the bar after the game. Your teammates won't hoist you on their shoulders for it, but they'll love you ... in a perfectly acceptable, nonharassing sort of way.

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Mr. Jockularity

Sporting News, The, May 13, 2005

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