Caught on the Fly

Sporting News, The, June 11, 2001

Hey, didn't you used to be NBA agents?

* Welcome to Chez Rumorama, where the appetizer is a lite portion of whispers followed by two heapin' helpin's of Brendan Haywood and Alvin Jones. Every lotto-loser's desperate for immediate big man help (read: experience with razor and shaving cream required, kiddos). In this year's draft, teams were hopin' Jones-n-Haywood would show them something in pre-draft workouts. Well, the pair has shown teams a little too much, especially around the waist and on the scales.

* Mama Fly taught her larvae to avoid webs, but Fly's a sucker for fan frustration on the Internet. That www.tradewhitsitt.com bit in Portland? Not bad, but if ya' want real frustration, Fly's fave is www.whatthef***arethesoxdoing.com. Fly counts about 83 years worth of frustration there.

* Fly's Top 5, or, "Somethin's fishy about this job, but they'll take it anyway": 1. Felipe Alou; 2. Dutch Daulton; 3. Davey Johnson; 4. Andre Dawson; 5. Dan Miceli. Of course, T. Perez could get attached to the seat.

* The Spies say Pat's still Riley-ed 'bout that first-round flopperoo, but pay no mind to that look of defHeat Riles was wearin' during series aftermath. He got second wind (actually, Riles is 56, so Fly figures it's wind No. 4) and is getting his broom-n-mop ready for a house-cleaning. Hmm ... Pat wouldn't sweep Brian Grant and Eddie Jones to Seattle for the Glove and Naptaker Baker ... would he?

* Buzz on the black ovals is that this here collection-o-rollin' billboards is beyond its means, $-wise. They're cutting corners, and we don't mean on the second turn. Word is, Darlington or the Rock could be in line to lose a date.

* Three things every Fly loves: rotting compost, macaroni salad and a good conspiracy theory. But there's a thin line 'tween conspiracy and sour grapes, and Lil' Dog Allen's suggestion that this here National Basketball Asylum tried to whistle the Sixers into the Finals sounds a liiiiiittle like the latter. For future reference, Buck-os: If you don't cuss-n-holler, slam balls or tackle opponents on break-aways, there'd be less ref conspiring.

* Fly ranks Meshawn's whine up there with the Nanny's laugh and dentist drills on the list-o'-sounds to avoid, but this was too good to pass: Johnson explains that he missed Bucs workouts because he "is not a normal professional athlete." He stayed out west 'cause "I got kids out here, and a business." Whoa, kids and a business! This guy really is not a normal professional athlete.

* Is it just the old Fly-magination, or is July 1--the only day the ice is melted throughout Canada--THE holy day for us fans of free agency?