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Sporting News, The, June 17, 2005 by Brendan Roberts

It's not often recognized as such, but being a major league manager must be one of the most stressful jobs a human can hold down Brain surgeons, cab drivers and the president of the United States all have tough jobs, but they don't have to continually answer questions such as: "Why didn't you use Lenny Harris to pinch hit in the seventh inning instead of the eighth?" and "What's wrong with Ted Lilly?"

As difficult as it is for me, a member of the media, to say and as shocking as it must be for you to read, there are some real snakes in the media business. I would rather be kicked in the groin--several times--than deal with some of us on a daily basis. (There, I have written my annual disclaimer. Now I can go back to criticizing managers at will.)

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So, how do managers do it? They learn to speak a different language. It's called coachspeak. Everything must be censored. The phrase "my third baseman sucks," for instance, is not part of the lingo--no matter how badly Aaron Boone is playing.

Fantasy owners need to know how to translate coachspeak. The unofficial Fantasy Source Coachspeak Dictionary offers up a few phrases to watch for.

"We'll reassess the situation tomorrow." A change is likely--a position player will be benched, or a closer or starting pitcher will he removed from his role--but the manager doesn't yet know what the change will be.

"We're sending him for an MRI, just in case." This is usually intended to dupe the media into assuming the injury is minor. If it were minor, the player wouldn't be getting an MRI.

"We're going to change the lineup to get us going." This is the last resort for a manager whose hitters are struggling. The problem usually isn't where guys are hitting--it's the hitters themselves.

"He's getting a day off to clear his head." The manager is resting a slumping player in the hope he will come back refreshed and improved. It rarely works.

"We're going to move him down in the lineup so he can see better pitches." As if there were such things as better pitches in the majors. In the National League, the No. 8 hitter can get pitched around as much as anybody. In this case, the descending hitter is one step closer to being benched.

"He's going to be a fine big leaguer." A prospect has been sent down, and now it's time to prevent the player from pulling a Rick Vaughn (from the movie Major League) and blowing up in the manager's office.

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Sporting News, The, June 17, 2005 by Brendan Roberts

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