Announcers follow their own code

The unwritten rules of broadcasting:

1. Never start a story with two outs. Unless you are Vin Scully, who has a bizarre sixth sense that alerts him to exactly how many foul balls are about to he hit, allowing him to complete the tale of Johnny Diphthong and the time he saved that puppy from falling in the creek back in Hazzard County. For the rest of us, there's no worse feeling than saying, "Here's my opinion on interleague play ... as Johnson lines out to end the inning. Never mind."

2. Never miss a chance to (rhymes with miss). Some bladders are built Ford Tough, but not all of us are so blessed. If one has a few idle minutes before the first pitch, one must make use of the press box facilities. Otherwise, one simply is thumbing one's nose at the baseball gods, and one soon will be experiencing a 3-hour, 40-minute gastrointestinal challenge of epic proportions.

3. Never eat within 20 minutes of game time. This is closely related to No. 2--literally.

4. Turn off all electronics. Our society is surrounded by cell phone bleats and personalized ringtones that feature everything from Puccini to "The Thong Song." These sounds should not make it onto baseball-related airwaves; neither should the phrase, "You've got mail." Activating the ol' mute function on the laptop is key.

5. Always give the benefit of the doubt. The players and managers are the best at what they do. We play-by-play types are doing what we do because we're not talented enough to do what they do. I always try to remember that when Alfonso Soriano kicks a ball or when a lefthanded reliever allows a heart-crushing grand slam to Garret Anderson. Ripping a manager's well-thought-out decision because it failed to produce the desired result isn't cool. Neither is dissing a player for a physical error. Mental errors or lack of hustle, however, are fair game.

6. Take criticism with a grain of salt. When a player, coach or manager gripes about something that went out over the air, 99 percent of the time he has the information wrong. He's participating in an unfortunate game of Operator, the same one you played as a kid, where someone starts by saying "pickle" and by the time it gets back to you the word is "aardvark." In the baseball version, an announcer says, "Gimmel is stuck in a 3-for-26 slump," and by the time Gimmel hears it from the second cousin of his wife's best friend, it's "Lewin ripped you on the air."

Fear not--we still get free soft drinks all game. This still is a great gig.

Josh Lewin is the television voice of the Rangers and a play-by-play announcer for FOX's Saturday Game of the Week.

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COPYRIGHT 2008 Gale, Cengage Learning