Holtz refines a fine whine

Sporting News, The, August 9, 1999

Caught on the FLY

Hey, didn't you used to be a big-league ump?

* Lou Holtz created a buzz at South Carolina (school motto: a bowl win every 100 years, guaranteed) by mentioning, ahem, a national rifle at post-hiring rally, causing off-field wins in season-ducat sales, booster membership and merchandising (Fly'll pass on the "Cock A Doodle Lou" tee). But now that he's gotten up-dose-and-personal with the talent (their word, not Fly's), Li'l Lou's whispering to the Spies: "Steve Spurrier would have trouble winning with my personnel."

* Fresh from the Rumorama ("Where the opening of Camp Champs coincided with duck season"): Coach Shan is still saying his man will be Brister, mister, but Brian Griese (and even-gulp!-Chris Miller) has looked sharper than Bubby, who has no, zero, zip on his passes since his shoulder got an offseason snip. The Broncs are wishin'/ hopin'/prayin' the arm'll come around, but the backup plan is to drop Bubby to No. 2 and make Bob's kid the (immediate) future.

* The worst thing for the Lions wasn't Barry Sanders' Euro vacation/retirement, but his timing, as the back rack has been picked dean. Sed Irvin, Ronnie Rivers and Pepe Pearson get first shot but exec Chuck Schmidt is keeping a verrrry close eye on the waiver wire and for square holes on a round team fly Wheatley, Karim Abdul-Jabbar). Fly's take (shaddup!): If Deetroit thought Aaron Gibson's pants were the biggest thing to fill this season, wait 'til these (lack off successors try these shoes on for size.

* Speaking of RBs, this here position has been thrown for a Sanders-like loss as feature (emphasis on "fee") backs Edgerrin James, Marshall Faulk and Jamal Anderson are holding out and could join Robert Edwards and Garison Hearst on this fall's pine-time lineup. And the really bad image running through Fly's mind, Tags? Barry's out, Larry's in.

* Fly's Top 5 or "Once The `Get Mitch' Ticket Is Claimed, Powerball Will Be The Acquisition Game Of Choice": 1. Charles 0akley; 2. P.J. Brown; 3. Otis Thorpe; 4. Bo Outlaw; 5. Gary Trent. * Thanks to a snug-fitting sal' cap, a Heat wave of new talent may be hard to fit in down South F-L-A way, so Riles is preaching the need for holdover unity in the form of summer camps. Li'l Ricky Pitino got wrist-slapped by NBA coupla years ago for such "voluntary" sessions, but one Miami player tells the Spies: "(Riley's) definitely stressed that it's not mandatory, but he's also keeping guys on their toes."

* Finally, rampant fandom is the trademark of the good or SEC (acronym for Second-guessing Every Call), or as LSU coach Gerry DiNardo says, "We're expanding our stadium to 91,600 in 2000. So, we'll have another 10,000 coordinators." Get Fly's prime `vine daily at sportingnews.com or on AOL (kegword: TSN).