Dream week: September 15-21

THURSDAY, 9/15

A's at Red Sox

* The temper tantrum Jay Payton orchestrated in July hit enough of a nerve to get him shipped out of Boston. All Payton has hit in Oakland is the outfield seats.

FRIDAY, 9/16

Phillies at Marlins

* The N.L. East rivals meet for the second consecutive weekend, and the wild-card berth remains up for grabs. The advantage will go to the team whose struggling leadoff hitter actually remembers to get on base. Even home-schooled teens with halitosis are getting to first base more regularly than Philadelphia's Jimmy Rollins and Florida's Juan Pierre. This series is vital for Florida because it offers a reprieve from a stretch of 17 road games against contenders.

SATURDAY, 9/17

White Sox at Twins

* Unable to overcome the loss of Torii Hunter, the Twins likely will be left at the playoff altar. At least that's better than what one Twins fan can say after being snubbed during a recent Jumbotron-televised proposal to his girlfriend.

SUNDAY, 9/18

Tigers at Angels

* Tigers catcher Pudge Rodriguez recently commented that his slimmed-down physique is helping him fight late-season fatigue. Meanwhile, Angels catcher Bengie Molina reportedly lost 22 pounds in the offseason, though he apparently has since found them.

MONDAY, 9/19

Orioles at Yankees

* If Gary Sheffield and Co. fail to reach the postseason, they can blame their inexplicable difficulties against A.L. East also-rans. The Yankees' problems with the Devil Rays are well-documented, and they are 4-6 against Baltimore entering this series.

TUESDAY, 9/20

Cubs at Brewers

* In the race for third place in the N.L. Central, we'll take the Brewers. In the sausage race, we'll take the Italian Sausage (Chris Capuano) over the Hot Dog (Carlos Zambrano).

WEDNESDAY, 9/21

Padres at Rockies

* Todd Helton who? Thin air what? Neither the Padres nor the Rockies had a 20-homer slugger entering the week. On the other hand, every Rangers infielder has hit 20-plus.

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