SportsWorld '98

Sporting News, The, Dec 28, 1998 by Dave Kindred

The Jim Bouton Theory is that professional athletes never achieve a psychological age much past 15. More evidence came in '98 when the Royal's manager, Tony Muser, felt a need to threaten a $250 fine for any player who returned from a California day off with a sunburn.

In 1998, a year in which a pro rassler became governor of Minnesota, the old basketball player Bill Bradley announced he would explore the idea of running for president. As to how a presidential nomination should be decided, Bradley long ago made himself perfectly clear. "I prefer jump shots from the top of the key," he said.

In 1998, the former sports car and midget racer J.T. Hayes underwent a sex-change operation. The newly reconstituted Terri O'Connell said, "I not only wanted to be A.J. Foyt, I wanted to be Marilyn Monroe, too."

In 1998, after his Yankees took part in a brawl with the Orioles, principal owner George (Tugboat) Steinbrenner said, "If you can't win ballgames, you've got to win fights." He suggested that A.L. president Gene Budig might want the dispute settled with a three-round fight matching him against Orioles bantamweight Peter Angelos. "I'm working out three days a week," Steinbrenner said.

Death threats, 1998: NBA star Karl Malone announced plans to carry a gun for protection. "From now on, I'll be packing," he said. NHL enforcer Matthew Barnaby ended a personal period of depression by going on a streak of penalty-filled games that prompted hockey lovers to send him notes of the I'll-kill-you persuasion. Barnaby said, "It's nice to be getting those again."

Mark McGwire's 70 home runs traveled 29,598 feet. To the top of Mt. Everest and starting down the other side, that's work of such magnitude that the red-haired Duchess of York, Sarah Ferguson, waved a McGwire bat at Wrigley Field and announced, "He's my favorite redhead."

NFL officials, who often didn't know heads from tails in '98, fined the Dolphins $40,000 in January for tailing to turn over lineman Jeff Buckey's jersey suspected of being slathered with a slippery substance designed to defeat the grasping hands of Lions defenders during a December '97 game.

The Prairie View A&M marching band suffered $20,000 in damages to its four tubas after a half-time fracas with Southern University's musicians.

Yankee ace David Cone missed a start after a Jack Russell puppy bit his finger.

Psst, wanna buy the Olympics? See Henri behind the potted plant.

No more big uglies in Keith Jackson's binoculars.

Mike Tyson had his head examined in '98.

We examined Katarina Witt.

"Yi-yi-yi-WOW," said Tommy McDonald, on election to the NFL's Hall of Fame.

"I'm not Steve Young, I'm Steve Old," said Steve DeBerg, who at 44 really made a comeback and started an NFL game.

"Willie Mays Sucks," read the inscription on a baseball signed by Mickey Mantle and offered for sale by his estate in '98.

"He looked like a jockey who fell off a horse and didn't know to stop holding on," Knicks reserve forward Chris Mills said of his coach, little man Jeff Van Gundy, who thought to break up a playoff fight between big guys Larry Johnson and Alonzo Mourning. But Van Gundy wanted us to know he only tried to stop the fight. "I'm not an idiot," he said. "I wasn't trying to attack anyone."

Neck Slicing, '98: Cowboys lineman Everett McIver missed a practice or two after having the side of his neck cut by Michael (Scissorshands) Irvin. All involved said the cut was an accident during horseplay in the team's barbershop--just as O.J. (I'm STILL Looking for the Real Killer) Simpson turned boyish prankster during the taping of a British television interview and leaped from behind a door wielding a banana as a mock knife to stage a mock stabbing of the woman doing the interview.

Red Wings star Sergei Fedorov signed a $38 million contract, took his teammates to dinner and picked up the check for $11,000. Which may or may not have anything to do with the NHL's position as the most expensive ticket in pro sports: $40.78 average price in '98. Next came the NFL at $38.09, the NBA at $36.32 and baseball at $13.60.

Marv Albert is on the air again. Good.

Magic Johnson is off the air. Good.

The Jim Bouton Theory is that professional athletes never achieve a psychological age much past 15. More evidence came in '98 when the Royals' manager, Tony Muser, felt a need to threaten a $250 fine for any player who returned from a California day off with a sunburn.

But, hey. SportsWorld '98 came filled with folks running a quart low on wisdom. NBA star Latrell Sprewell sued his agent for not guaranteeing his salary even if, for example, he choked somebody, like his coach, for instance.... Golfer John Daly hit six balls into a lake, made an 18 and said, "I got a lot of practice with my 3-wood." ... Mike Tyson sued Don King for $100 million, saying the promoter took advantage of a "vulnerable, unsophisticated boxer." ... In suburban Atlanta, a man was arrested and charged with murder after using three tickets taken from the dead man to treat himself and two guests to a Falcons-Saints game.... NBA players scheduled a charity game for the "needy" among themselves.... Karl Malone wrestled Dennis Rodman. But Carmen Electra married him.