Have yourself a merry little bowl season: if seeing the good in college football is wrong, I don't want to be right

Sporting News, The, Dec 27, 2004 by Steve Greenberg

Auburn was robbed! Our dear old Granddaddy in Pasadena is dead! Notre Dame just hired the least qualified coach since Goldie Hawn in Wildcats! This newfangled CapitalistPig.com Bowl is the last straw! Our fair game has been beaten to within an inch of its life by an ugly stick! College football has fallen, and it can't get up!

And here's what I'm going to do about it:

Go a week without cursing the BCS.

Read a book to the nearest child alter every story I see about a player or coach being read his rights.

Have a good chuckle at any argument that Auburn is more or less deserving of a shot at the national title than Southern California or Oklahoma, because all three teams are blue-ribbon good.

Enjoy the heck out of the Orange Bowl ... and the Sugar Bowl.

Give Charlie Weis a chance.

Root for Dennis Franchione, Mike Leach and Paul Johnson, who--like Weis--didn't play college ball and, thus, must not know a zone blitz from a kosher blintz.

Think more before I write, because I didn't play college ball, either.

Remember that Wisconsin went 9-35 during my four years there, which doesn't make the Badgers' late-season collapse seem so bad, after all.

Marvel at the hundreds of bowl-bound student-athletes who packed their textbooks with their playbooks.

Raise a glass to Joe Paterno.

Urge the outraged e-mailers from Auburn and Berkeley to drink in the majesty of this season, for they'll sure wish they had the next time their teams go 5-6.

Keep my fingers crossed that the junior tailback with 4.7 speed ignores the scum-sucking agent who promises him he'll be a first-round draft pick if he leaves school early.

Take back what I told my wide-eyed kid about our neighborhood Division III team being so bad they should start a Division IV.

Hope Tyrone Willingham, Karl Dorrell and Sly Croom stop standing out in the crowd.

Let the sound of Keith Jackson's voice take me away.

Give up trying to count the contradictory statements made by Lee Corso, who brings more fun to the game than anybody.

Look forward to the next Adrian Peterson.

Watch the Continental Tire Bowl because, darn it, it's on.

Change a diaper before halftime.

Give Mack Brown his due.

Call the biggest fan I know from the Orange Bowl and let him hear the cheers before the opening kickoff.

Say to the biggest grump in the press box, "Do you realize how lucky we are to be here?"

Do a little touchdown dance every time Louisville or Boise State scores in the Liberty Bowl.

Put a sock in it next time I start whining that there oughta be a playoff, because nobody's listening.

Flash back to the horror of my last high school game, when I gave up three sacks, and realize not even the fourth-string tackle at Idaho A&M "stinks."

Watch the Rose Parade ... for two or three minutes, anyway.

Drop a note of encouragement to the next kicker who boinks a last-second chip shot off a goal post.

Ask Santa for a few more bowls. Hey, who's it really gonna hurt?

Hope for an even better 2005.

And bear in mind that with lockouts, BALCOs and players face-burgering fans in the stands, things could always be worse.

speed reads

Give Charlie Weis all the grief you want, but he'll be off to an A-plus start at the University of Notre Dame-Foxboro as soon as the hiring of David Cutcliffe as offensive coordinator becomes official. Cutcliffe did bang-up work with Peyton Manning at Tennessee and Eli Manning at Ole Miss. You don't think he'll make Brady Quinn a new man? Weis, who has done a ton for Tom Brady no matter what the skeptics say, and Cutcliffe will unloose an offensive powerhouse in South Bend by 2006; you just watch.

Ground control to the henchmen in Oxford, Miss. What were you thinking, anyway?

Just curious: When new coach Terry Hoeppner promises to "take Indiana back to the Rose Bowl," does he mean as paying customers?

I am totally convinced Southern California will beat Oklahoma. Why? Coaching. Bob Stoops is great, but he has been outperformed on the big stage before. Pete Carroll and Norm Chow having all this time to gameplan for the Sooners calls to mind the Bill Belichick effect.

INSIDE DISH

It will be interesting to see if new Florida coach Urban Meyer keeps the option as a prominent part of his offense next year. Although QB Chris Leak undoubtedly would be able to handle it, he's playing in the SEC, the nation's most physical conference, and he would have to turn the corner against linebackers and ends as fast--if not faster--than he is. If Meyer wants to keep Leak healthy, he'll have to think carefully about running him very often. * One reason Auburn has improved this season is that the Tigers are asking less of QB Jason Campbell and getting more. Last year, he tried to throw the ball downfield often and had trouble. Now, offensive coordinator Al Borges has Campbell doing a lot of three- and five-step drops, and he has been more successful. * Ron Zook's top candidate for the defensive coordinator position at Illinois is Bill Miller, who was on Zook's staff at Florida this season and coordinated the Michigan State defense under Bobby Williams. If Miller doesn't take the job--which is a possibility because his family still is in East Lansing and might not want to move to Champaign--Zook could move on to former Colorado coordinator Vince Okruch. * The conversations between Temple and the Mid-American Conference have become full-fledged negotiations, with everything from compliance procedures to academic standards being hammered out. Expect MAC presidents and the Temple board of trustees to consider a marriage in mid-January. If the Owls join the MAC, their most likely partner--to bring MAC membership back to 14 teams after the defections of Marshall and Central Florida to Conference USA for the 2005 season--would be Western Kentucky, a I-AA team looking to move up. * When BCS administrators begin to investigate ways to "improve" the system, don't expect a great push to make public the ballots coaches cast each week. In this era of quick fires and ridiculous pressure to win, coaches wouldn't want to anger their pals with how they vote. "The only friends we have left in the world are each other," says a former head coach and current assistant at a BCS conference school. In a world of full disclosure, if a coach friendly with Auburn's Tommy Tuberville voted Oklahoma No. 2 on his most recent ballot instead of Auburn--because he truly believed the Sooners were the better team--the first 20 minutes of his next call with Tuberville might be spent explaining himself. That's a dance no coach wants to do. * Former BYU QB Ben Olson, back from his Mormon mission and now a free agent, is attracting interest from several schools. Although he is leaning toward UCLA, he is being wooed heavily by Oregon, which produced a comic book that has Olson--known in the story as "The Gunslinger"--leading the Ducks to the national title. One catch: The Ducks only sent him the beginning of the story. He has to make a visit to Eugene to get the second part.--Michael Bradley