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Walk a round with Tiger: it's an emotional roller coaster … and, oh, yeah, can the guy ever mash that ball

Sporting News, The, Dec 30, 2005 by Sean Deveney

Tiger Woods is ticked.

With good reason--he sailed a drive behind a tree, which forced him to knock a lefthanded shot onto the fairway. A good approach left him on the green, but he blew the putt, giving him a bogey and several visibly bulging neck veins. This has put those of us in the gallery in a tense mood. "Oh, he is pissed off," someone says. Others nod, nervous.

Now, I am no golfing aficionado. I am of the belief that an open-faced club should be served with chips and a pickle. When you say pitching wedge, I think of a Roger Clemens wardrobe malfunction. But I know a thing or two about Tiger--he is the only golfer who has held all four major professional titles simultaneously, and he has won nearly $68 million in 228 tournaments, for example. I also know that after watching him in the 1997 Masters, I vowed to become interested in golf (I didn't).

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But when the opportunity arose to do something every sports fan must do before he grabs a seat in that great 19th hole in the sky--walk a round with Woods, in my case at the Target World Challenge at Sherwood Country Club in Thousand Oaks, Calif.--I couldn't pass.

Understand, there is great responsibility that goes with spending 18 holes with Woods, beyond the standard "Quiet, please" that is acceptable for most golfers. Woods attracts a massive gallery happy to see him--about 1,000 people flocked to him on the tournament's opening day.

Conversation? No. When a young fan said, "Nice shot, Tiger," on the second hole, the kid might as well have been talking to a fire hydrant.

Because, well, you da man!

You don't need to play golf to sound like you know golf. Just remember the key phrases for each shot:

Drive: 'Stay there!'

Approach: 'Get down!'

Putt: 'Get in the hole!'

Autographs? Ha! After the 15th, Woods blew past a woman who had drawn his portrait. A guard said, "He's not going to sign anything during the tournament, ma'am." Pictures? Forget it. Remember the 2003 Skins Game (a usually laid-back affair)? A fan snapped a picture during Woods' backswing, and Woods' caddy, Steve Williams, grabbed the camera and tossed it into a pond.

Some say this shows Woods' unparalleled focus. Those of us familiar with rules of social interaction might be tempted to say he simply is a bit of a jerk.

Either way, it doesn't take long to figure out the No. 1 rule when watching Woods in person: Whatever mood Woods is in is the mood the gallery is in. He's a golf diva. When he bogeyed the sixth hole, we gallery members kept our eyes down as if it had been our fault. When someone crinkled a poster on the seventh hole, one man noted, "He's going to be mad." On the 13th, after a near perfect drive, Woods cracked a smile. "He likes it!" one fan said. There was much rejoicing in the gallery. Woods is so machinelike that it's refreshing when he shows humanity. When I sneezed while watching Woods, a fan informed me Tiger has allergies, too. (I'm just like Tiger!) On the 14th, another fan, who was eating a hot dog, excitedly noted that Woods was carrying what appeared to be a hot dog, too. (You're just like Tiger!) At the U.S. Open in 2002, Woods got his loudest ovation when he visited a portable potty. (We're just like Tiger!)

Still, the guy is good. You can hear it in his swing--it's like a Mack truck smacking a Prius. At the tee box on the 12th hole, a woman told her husband she wanted to walk ahead to the green. "I want to watch Tiger swing, honey," the man said. Guess who won that debate.

It was worth it. The 12th features a bunker that looks like something the Allies might have stormed 60 years ago, and Woods pounded an iron within 4 feet of the hole. His playing partner, Jim Furyk, wound up hopelessly in the sand.

After the round, an even par, an interview with Woods showed up on 18th hole Jumbotron. He talked about his ever-evolving swing--he's rebuilding it (again), which seems like Zeus rebuilding his thunderbolt-tossing form. He was working on little things, he said, "things most people can't see or understand."

Perhaps when he is done working on them, he will be happy. I hope so. Because then--maybe--those of us in the gallery can be happy, too.

We've got yer etiquette right here

Going to watch a round of pro golf?. Be sure to keep this checklist handy.

DO wear sneakers. It's a lot of walking.

DON'T say Noonan while someone is putting, It's apparently not funny anymore.

DO have a cigar. Why not? They sell them right next to the hot dogs.

DON'T bring firearms. There's a sign reminding you of this at the course entrance.

DO bring money. Hot dog: $5.

DON'T miss driving range practice. Trust me.

But seriously, watch him play

Walking with Tiger is as simple as logging on to pgatour.com. Just find the tour event you want to attend--you'll want to double-check that Woods plans to play--go to the tickets section and be prepared to lay out about $25 for each day you want to watch. (Tickets for the four majors are tougher to come by.) Woods always has the largest gallery, but stake your spot and you'll soon be standing a putter's length from Tiger.

Walk a round with Tiger: it's an emotional roller coaster … and, oh, yeah, can the guy ever mash that ball

Sporting News, The, Dec 30, 2005 by Sean Deveney

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