Title town, USA: after a season of fun from Seattle to Miami, it all comes down to a wild show in Houston. Oh, yeah, there's going to be a game, too

Sporting News, The, Feb 2, 2004 by Mike Kilduff

Within Houston's borders live 1.9 million people and NASA, a combination that makes the SpaceCity nickname possible. America's fourth-largest city is host for the NFL championship game, plus a stampede of celebrity entertainers, well-known athletes, connected politicians, corporate bigwigs and scandal-thirsty media. It's a combination that makes Super Bowl excess possible--and simply holding a football game impossible.

The Super Bowl no longer is about the outcome of collisions between genetically gifted, medically enhanced and scientifically fortified human beings seeking to grasp a 22-inch, seven-pound piece of sterling silver crafted by Tiffany & Co. No, that's just a football game caught in the middle of the swirl of events now engulfing Houston.

ALL SYSTEMS GO

Now on the officially sanctioned NFL launching pad ...

The NFL Experience (at George R. Brown Convention Center) is the league's popular annual theme park of interactivity--skills competitions, autograph sessions, card shows, clinics and, oh, yeah, merchandise sales. We're still trying to verify the rumors that activities banned from the 800,000-square-foot hall include Go Deep With Ephedra; Punt, Pass and Concussion, and a Haymakers autograph table.

There also is "A Houston Salute," the official opening ceremony of Super Bowl weekend at Reliant Stadium, with Jim Nantz as the host. Roger Clemens, Calvin Murphy and Bum Phillips are among the 38 sports figures being honored before a crowd paying $100 to $500 per seat. NFL commissioner Paul Tagliabue and former President George H.W. Bush attend, and Yanni performs. True story: Hearing who was to be honored, Phillips reportedly said, "There are so many names they are tossing, it makes me feel like a cow chip somebody threw in the punch bowl." Do you think Yanni can write up some music to go with that pickup-truck prose?

Finger-flick football with notebook paper folded into triangles is as much a part of the American education system as spitballs, wedgies and forged notes from home. Now, at something called the Flickball Stadium, it's part of the American Super Bowl system at Bud Bowl 2004, a two-day festival for families at Minute Maid Park. Remember the days when Bud Bowl was a game between beer bottles as part of a must-see advertising campaign? It has evolved (devolved?) into Tim McGraw singing; the NBA Rockets, MLB Astros and NFL Texans signing, and the Budweiser Clydesdales snorting. Sure, but how will those Clydesdales do against Yao in flickball?

The stage is set for the NFL Pregame Show with Aerosmith, Toby Keith, Willie Nelson and others performing a tribute to NASA and the memory of the Columbia space shuttle crew. Doesn't Willie have tax debts older than NASA?

Best of all, the lovely Beyonce Knowles will be singing--sorry, performing--the national anthem. Will somebody please convince CBS to show more Beyonce and less Belichick?

HALFTIME FLUSHED WITH MUSIC

Produced by MTV, the halftime show includes performances by E Diddy, Nelly, Kid Rock and Janet Jackson. When it was announced that she was being featured, an enthusiastic Jackson was reported as saying, "There is no bigger spectacle than the Super Bowl." No bigger spectacle? Um, Janet, have you seen your brother lately on Court TV?

'THE POINT AFTER'

This is what the Houston Super Bowl Host Committee has dubbed the uber-trendy M Bar, which will serve as the group's late-night hospitality venue. The Point After offers a depth chart of celebs throughout the week, with the climax intended to be Sunday's postgame performances by Jay-Z and Eve during a sycophantic orgy and slobber-palooza known as the Players Gala 2004. However, there's no getting around Tony Siragusa. Really. The former player and current broadcaster with his own gravitational pull is the host for events at M Bar on Friday and Saturday nights, proving you can't stop this active volcano of personality, you can only hope to contain him in two nights.

HOT TICKETS

Maxim Super Bowl party vs. Playboy Super Bowl party (also known as Chromosome Bowl XY): Plenty of models surrounded by the hippest and coolest of entertainers and athletes. It's an intoxicating combination that makes tickets to these events the Nos. 1 and 2 most desired in town, followed closely by tickets to the big game on Sunday. To throw off crashers, Maxim attempts to cloak its party with rave-like secrecy. (Sssshhhh, keep this under your 10-gallon hat, but Maxim's hootenanny is Friday night 15 minutes southwest of downtown Houston at the Regal Ranch in Stafford.) While that's where the coveted male 18-35 demographic is registered, Dad and Hugh are popping blue diamonds in a classic setting, surrounded by century-old ornate marble columns at The Corinthian on downtown Main Street.

OFF THE NFL RADAR

According to AskMen.com, the No. 3-rated strip bar in the United States is Houston's Gold Club. "A friend" tells us it is one of at least 42 such clubs (including several just for cowgirls) in the Greater Houston area, or an astounding ratio of one for every 71.4 lap ... top computers carried by the 3,000 accredited media in town. The Gold Club is one of at least 10 of the regional gentlemen's clubs requiring "formal" attire, which explains all those sportswriters standing in line to buy neckties at the gas station or saying, "Honey, I'm going to the Super Bowl. Where's my suit?"