If NFL wants parity, run the draft the J.J. way

Sporting News, The, April 21, 1997 by T.J. Simers

It's known throughout the league that Miami coach Jimmy Johnson can walk on water, but of course, humble as he is, he owns a boat.

In resurrecting the Cowboys, it took two years of housecleaning and personnel moves to win eight games; he did that in one year in Miami. You know what comes next.

Super Bowls.

The man, who would be king again, has this proven knack for identifying talent, for placing a value on a particular athlete and matching it to the proper pick in the draft. If he makes a mistake picking, the dud's sent home without any forced effort to save face and it's back to work. That makes Jimmy fearless, and the man knows how to bring excitement to a dull draft. Draft picks are flying everywhere, established players might be sent packing.

If the NFL is really sincere about parity, it will issue an edict today calling for Johnson to conduct the draft for all 30 teams. Let J.J. divvy up the talent. Arizona, Baltimore and Tampa Bay have been trying to improve solely on the strength of their own judgment for years and have failed miserably Someone has to stop Bobby Beathard from trading the Chargers' No. 1 pick.

If Jimmy is given complete authority to disperse talent as he sees fit in the draft, here's what could happen:

In Arizona, J.J. immediately cuts Billy Bidwill, and the team surfaces two years from now as the Cleveland Browns with Bernie Kosar as an owner. For now, J.J. awards the team Colorado wide receiver Rae Carruth.

In Atlanta, team owners are predicting $10 million in losses (and Chris Chandler sure isn't going to sell tickets). J.J. provides Troy Aikman-like hope in Virginia Tech quarterback Jim Druckenmiller.

In Baltimore, Georgia and Art get together ... no further details available except a trade is announced. Instead of swapping criminals--Lawrence Phillips for Bam Morris--the Rams move up to snatch Texas cornerback Bryant Westbrook. Baltimore, strapped for money, then swaps with J.J., picking 15th, so he can take Florida State defensive end Peter Boulware. The Ravens still have Vinny Testaverde, so they can't win. They're left with Virginia linebacker Jamie Sharper, who agrees to play for no pay.

In Buffalo, J.J. wants to deliver a Thurman Thomas clone in Washington running back Corey Dillon but changes his mind. Instead he provides a bodyguard in California tackle Tarik Glenn.

In Carolina, G.M. Bill Polian doesn't need much help, but Kerry Collins does. First, J.J. orders Collins to get those sideburns raised then drops Clemson end Trevor Pryce on the Panthers.

In Chicago, J.J. commends the Bears for trading their No. l pick for Rick Mirer--remember, he once traded for a stiff, too, in Steve Walsh--and promises a tight end of some sort in the second round.

In Cincinnati, J.J. reminds the Bengals they once took David Klingler. He can be mean that way. He penalizes them, gives them someone no one has ever heard of: Akron outside linebacker/defensive end Jason Taylor.

In Dallas, J.J. asks first if Barry Switzer can name all the players on his roster, and then Troy Aikman gets a gift from his old coach, a tight end to replace Jay Novacek in David LaFleur.

In Denver, the Broncos have done so well in free agency they want to pass, but J.J. throws them Miami defensive back Tremain Mack.

If you thought Bobby Ross had a painful look on his face along the sideline in San Diego, wait until he gets a look at Scott Mitchell. J.J. figures Ross will need defense and provides Alabama linebacker Dwayne Rudd.

In Green Bay, G.M. Ron Wolf has it made with a new contract extension, so he's sitting by the frozen pool. His team needs a linebacker but settles for Miami end Kenny Holmes. Another margarita, please.

In Houston, it's time to load up Air McNair, and although there are all kinds of strip clubs to keep Michael Irvin interested, J.J. declines to rig such a deal. He awards Iowa cornerback Tom Knight to the Oilers.

No one wants to play in Indianapolis because the Colts never get on TV. However, offensive linemen, such as Wisconsin tackle Jerry Wunsch, are used to that.

Jacksonville can never close the deal on free agents like Gilbert Brown, but J.J. knows draft picks have no choice. That's all right with Notre Dame defensive lineman Renaldo Wynn, who finally is free from Lou Holtz.

In Kansas City, the farmers need a receiver and a coach who can get them to the Super Bowl. They settle for a basketball player who can catch Elvis Grbac's high lobs in Cal tight end Tony Gonzalez.

Minnesota has already been declared a national disaster--with or without Robert Smith. J.J. adds Washington's Dillon to the roster.

In New England, you don't have to be J.J. or Robert Kraft to know this team needs a cornerback. Sure, it'd get by Bill Parcells, but J.J.'s on top of things--and goes with Kansas State cornerback Chris Canty.

In New Orleans, Mike Ditka wants Antowain Smith, but J.J. reminds him that he was nothing until Buddy Ryan won with defense, so Ditka gets Virginia linebacker James Farrior.

In New York, Giants fans have a Fassel as their coach and a fossil in the front office in George Young. J.J. keeps it boring, awarding Florida State tackle Walter Jones.