The challenging camper

Camping Magazine, Nov-Dec, 1998 by Bob Ditter

Dear Bob,

Every summer we have a small number of children here at camp whose behavior is especially challenging. Some of these children are aggressive, threaten other campers, are rude to counselors, and do not respond to anything we do to get them to behave. Do you have any ideas on how we can bring them into the camp community? One of our concerns is that, even though we want everyone to benefit from camp, the behavior of these campers can severely affect the experience of other campers.

Wondering in the Wisconsin Woods

Dear Wondering,

Each season, most camps have a handful of campers whose behavior is disruptive and seems to stymie the staff. While it is difficult to answer your question thoroughly, given the complexity of children's behavior, there are some useful applications you can consider.

Let me first acknowledge the way you worded your letter. You specifically refer to the behavior as being "challenging," distinguishing the children's behavior from them as individuals. One of the more formidable aspects of working with children whose behavior is challenging is the danger of taking their antics personally. Young or inexperienced counselors are susceptible to this pitfall, which adds another degree of difficulty to working with these campers. Known as child-to-parent effects, "nice" children often bring out "nice" behavior in the adults who take care of them, just as aggressive children bring out a very different side of those same adults. Make counselors aware of this tendency during staff training to minimize the negative effects and then support them throughout the summer. Also, intervene in challenging behavior as early as possible, perhaps even before a child comes to camp.

Creating a Set of Responses

Behavior that is especially challenging - swearing at staff; intimidating other campers; disregarding staff's authority, especially in high-risk activities; or engaging in risky practices - requires a special set of responses. Since there is often a range of behavior, it is helpful to have a range of responses, including time outs and isolation from the peer group, formal agreements (with consequences and incentives) involving parents, camper phone calls to parents, meeting with parents, staff, and the child at camp, one- to three-day furloughs home, and eventually leaving camp altogether. The ultimate criterion for deciding whether a child can remain at camp is the degree to which that child is compromising the emotional or physical safety of himself or other campers.

Let me use a real-life example to demonstrate how some of these tools might be implemented effectively. Lucy was an energetic eleven year old who, because she was somewhat immature and uncertain of herself, tended to act silly and provocative in front of her peers. The fact that she was new to half of her bunkmates added to her insecurity, which in turn fueled her outlandish behavior. At first, some of her actions - making provocative, sexual statements to her counselors; running around the cabin in various states of undress; jumping from bed to bed after lights out; and defying activity leaders' instructions - were amusing to her new friends. Soon, however, her behavior began to make many of her peers feel uneasy. It was escalating, making people uncomfortable, and getting in the way of the other campers' fun.

Confronting Challenging Behavior

The first intervention was directly addressing Lucy about her behavior, being neutral, but specific, about what she was doing that was getting her into trouble. Lucy predictably denied that her behavior was upsetting her peers because, after all, they often giggled at her actions. Nevertheless, we said, "Lucy, you and I both know you are a good kid. You seem to be trying very hard to impress your friends, rather than just being you. In fact, the more you seem to feel unsure of yourself, the more you seem to do things that get you into trouble." That last line is especially effective since it signals to a child that you are separating her behavior from her as a person and that you want to help her avoid doing the things that get her into trouble.

Lucy did tone down her behavior - for about one afternoon - but her insecurity and the pull to impress her friends was more than she could resist. By nightfall she was up to her old tricks. Given that the association with her peers was such a powerful need and that she was playing to an audience, the next strategy was to isolate Lucy from the group if her behavior continued. Her parents would also be informed as soon as possible, since involving them might become necessary.

Contacting Parents

Contacting parents can be a touchy situation. Though parents do not like to hear bad news, they like it even less when they are informed of their child's misbehavior long after it has been occurring. Parents want to trust you, which they can do only when you tell them the truth early on.

Many parents will respond defensively to news about their child, since they fear their child's behavior is somehow a reflection of them or their parenting failures. Teachers and camp professionals often hear the infamous lament from parents, "Well, she never does that at home! It must be something you're doing!" Rather than becoming defensive, point out that children, like the rest of us, have two very different worlds - one they show their parents at home and one they show their peers. These public-private worlds often account for the discrepancy between the perception parents have of their children and the one that teachers and camp professionals have.