Separation Triggers Kids' Greatest Anxiety - Brief Article

USA Today (Society for the Advancement of Education), May, 2000

Many children fear the boogie man and the monster under the bed, but some kids' anxieties have nothing to do with make-believe creatures. For them, separating from their parents--even for a short time--creates great physical or emotional distress.

"More children suffer from anxiety disorders than any other psychological problem," notes Wendy Nilsen, a graduate therapist in the Purdue University Anxiety Clinic, West Lafayette, Ind. "The most common type of anxiety in children is fear of being separated from their parents." Such youngsters are afraid they will become hurt or lost while away from their parents or that their parents will be in danger.

A child's natural temperament can play a part in separation anxiety. Also, many toddlers go through a developmental stage where they fear strangers or separation from their parents--usually starting at about age nine months and ending about age two, indicates Scott Vrana, associate professor of psychological sciences and director of the Anxiety Clinic. For some kids, the condition persists throughout childhood, even causing problems in adolescence and adulthood. "Very often, it is not seen until the child starts preschool, or a parent takes a job outside the home for the first time. Sometimes, life stresses, such as a serious illness or changing schools, can trigger separation anxiety.

"If the child doesn't calm down within 10 minutes after you leave, or if the anxiety goes on for weeks--those are signs that your child may need counseling for the problem," Vrana says. Other signals include a youngster who worries to the point of becoming sick or who refuses to play or sleep over away from home.

Vrana and Nilsen offer tips for all parents faced with children upset about being apart from them for a period of time:

* Do not give in to it. Let children know that they will be okay; help get them settled; and then leave or send them to school.

* Encourage brave behaviors. Remind them how well they have done in the past when Mommy and Daddy have been away, if there were such times. Suggest to them how Barney or the Power Rangers might handle the situation.

* Tell kids in advance what's going to happen. "We've dealt with parents who wake a child up one morning and suddenly send him to preschool without ever having talked about it with the child beforehand. That's not good," Vrana emphasizes.

* Focus on the positive. Don't let them dwell on the negative things that might happen, but rather on the fun they will have at school or day care.