Lighten Up, Parents! - psychological aspects of youth sports

USA Today (Society for the Advancement of Education), Nov, 2000 by Michael L. Sachs

ON JULY 5, 2000, in Reading, Mass., Thomas Junta beat Michael Costin to the point that he died two days later from his injuries. Junta has been charged with manslaughter and, if found guilty, could serve up to 20 years in prison.

Why did he attack Costin? Junta apparently thought that the hockey game in which his son and Costin's sons were playing (Costin was supervising the practice) had gotten too rough. The two men had an argument about this, and Junta was asked to leave the rink. He came back, however, and attacked Costin. If only he had stayed away, Costin, the single father of four young children, might be alive today.

Sports psychologists have long been concerned about what has been labeled "Little League parent syndrome" (LLPS), named for those adults who get so wrapped up in their children's play that they yell and scream verbal abuse and, occasionally, get physically abusive. More recently, with the Reading example as exhibit A, things seemingly have gotten more violent. There have always been cases of parents and coaches, referees, or other parents getting into verbal and, sometimes, physical confrontations. Indeed, parents have even had physical contact with players on their offspring's and opposing teams. However, this is the first instance within memory where death has been the result of such an altercation.

How is this possible? What are parents doing intruding on their youngsters' games? These are, alter all, children's games, whether baseball, soccer, hockey, football, swimming, whatever. Adults should be there in a supportive role, helping the kids enjoy the best experience they could possibly have, not creating, as too often happens, a pressure-filled, unhappy situation for all concerned.

It is important to note that LLPS is symptomatic of only a minority of parents (although the percentage seems to be growing each year). This minority is adept, though, at making youth sports an unpleasant experience for all. These parents expect perfection from their children, coaches, and referees. While winning may be at the top of their priority list, playing time for their offspring is critical.

A task-oriented approach is required--can't let fun get in the way of winning! Youth sports is a stressful time with victory the only acceptable result, and even there, playing time and quality play on the part of the youngster is expected.

These parents have forgotten why their kids are participating in the first place. What do children say when you ask them why they play? The number-one reason is to have fun! This is so critical that it cannot be overemphasized. Youth sports is a voluntary activity, and it should be a place where youngsters can be supported in a chance to play. When kids play, they're supposed to have fun.

Children also say they want to improve their skills and get some exercise and/or stay in shape. Kids like to play with their friends and make new friends. Winning is way down on the list, ranking tenth. The source for these reasons is a survey of 10,000 students and their feelings about sports, published by the American Footwear Association.

Sports psychologists and sociologists lament the tremendous decrease in informal play. Many of you remember the days when you would come he me after school and then hurry back outside to be with your friends on your block or at a local park. You had special games, many similar to those of kids in other areas, but with slightly different names and rules, depending on the neighborhood. You had a chance to be active, have a challenging game, have everyone play (from the highly skilled kid to the less-skilled), and decide on the roles and make decisions as the game progressed. You had to learn to negotiate so that everyone got in the game. and all felt a part of the process. If not, the game would disintegrate, and no one could play.

Nowadays, what is called formal play has taken over. Rarely does one see informal play going on any more. (When was the last time you saw kids playing on your street or at your local park or playground, or at least saw many of them doing so?) Because of safety concerns, families where both parents are wage earners, and a drive to get children into organized leagues so they can learn the game faster and be on the road toward fame and fortune, the move, in many cases, has been to organized youth sport leagues. These can still be fun for youngsters, but in many instances are not.

Children often feel pressured to succeed. (Note the telling title of a recent book by Christopher and Barbara Andersonn: Will You Still Love Me If I Don't Win?) Asking your offspring "Did you win today" indicates that winning is important. It really is not important in youth sports!

Trying to win is certainly pan of the experience, and we support this. In informal play, we try to win as well, though, as with formal play, it doesn't or shouldn't matter whether you win or lose. There's always another game tomorrow and another chance to try to win. More important is the chance to be active and have fun with friends.