Isn't It Romantic? A Valentine Primer - suggestions - Brief Article

USA Today (Society for the Advancement of Education), Jan, 2001

For some, romance comes easy. They know just what it takes to sweep their partners off their feet. For others, though, the definition of romance isn't quite as clear.

Pam Benoit, professor and chair of the Department of Communication, University of Missouri-Columbia, has led classes full of romance researchers for years. She assigned her interpersonal communication students to interview 10 friends and ask them: What is the most romantic thing that's ever been done for you and what's the most romantic thing you have ever done for someone else?

The answers helped the students define what romance is, which might lend the less romantically inclined some tips for this holiday. They found that something is more romantic if it's unexpected. So, don't do something special for your partner only on Valentine's Day; try it all year long at unexpected moments. They also discovered that it requires extensive time and planning. Examples include writing a poem, making a gift, or planning a surprise vacation. One of the students in Benoit's class shared the example of a man buying his girlfriend an entire outfit, right down to the pantyhose and shoes.

Romance also works if it is adapted to the other person, Benoit says. "Roses and candy are fine early in a relationship, but they do not work in a long relationship. By the same token, buying boxers or a teddy too soon in a relationship is detrimental." She offers the perfect example of adaptation: One man bought his fish-loving girlfriend a pair of kissing fish.