Helping kids cope with stress - holiday stress - Brief Article

USA Today (Society for the Advancement of Education), Dec, 1997

Holidays are a wonderful time of year. As they grow nearer, though, the events of the season often change from cheerful to stressful ones for families, especially for children. Because holidays can add an extra level of stress, parents need to take a close look at how they manage stress, both their own and that faced by their offspring.

"If the holidays simply happen around them, children undoubtedly will be stressed," cautions Kimberly B. Moore, vice president of education for Children's World Learning Centers. "If children have an opportunity to participate in all the facets of making your holidays special, then holidays will be joyful times and will impart precious memories that will be remembered by children far into their adult lives."

If parents are aware of the indicators of stress in their kids and those items which might cause this additional stress, it becomes possible to avoid. many of the pitfalls and have a calm, confident feeling of experiencing a happy and, cheerful holiday season. Children's World Learning Centers offer the following suggestions:

* Be alert to changes in behavior such as aggressiveness, nightmares, hyperactivity or restlessness, prolonged temper tantrums, being overly sensitive, clinging to adults, and a constant need to sleep. As parents recognize these signs of stress, they can react more quickly to assist the child.

* During the holidays, encourage youngsters to make presents for special friends and relatives. This helps to develop a heightened sense of pride when the gift is given and lets them become confident and more at ease with the holidays.

* Help kids plan ahead by discussing routines and the sequence of events that will occur. Give them plenty of time before changing routines. Turn holiday routines into traditions. Passing on those traditions and giving children the responsibility for making them happen will create a sense of calm and purpose during these hectic months.

* Talk about a situation and acknowledge the youngster's feelings. "l know how you feel; I have felt the same way. Let me tell you what I found when this happened to me. . . ." This is the "feel, felt, found method" used by positive mental attitude speaker and author Norman Vincent Peale. It works especially well with school-age children.

* Use gentle humor at every possible turn to help kids reframe their stressful thoughts and feelings. Nonsensical statements often take their minds off the stress that is eating at them. Laughter can dissipate nervousness.

* Help children view their situations more positively. Breaking down the big picture for them into small "I can do this" pieces will boost their confidence in their own abilities and help them to be able to deal with stressful situations.

* Structure activities to include cooperation. Kids love to be in the middle of things where they have the opportunity to participate in the decision of what present to buy or make and then take part in the shopping, wrapping, and giving of the gift.

* Modify situations and rules. Give youngsters choices and explain them clearly. If times are very stressful, make expectations easier to meet and they will have a sense of accomplishment and success.

* Involve other children when at all possible. Cousins, neighbors, and friends from school often will be welcome additions to holiday festivities and traditions. Don't forget that festivities include the planning and preparation as well as the parties.

* Find individual quiet time with children during stressful days or weeks. Time alone talking with them while working on something together can be very special. Ask how they are feeling and how they are enjoying the activities as preparations are made for the upcoming holiday events. Listen carefully and respect their comments.

* If adults find ways to de-stress, their calm manner will reassure youngsters and help set the example of looking forward to the happy holiday traditions everyone will enjoy.