For Fidelity

USA Today (Society for the Advancement of Education), Sept, 1998 by Gerald F. Kreyche

By Catherine M. Wallace / Knopf, 1998, pp. 174, $22.00

Reviewed by GERALD F. KREYCHE American Thought Editor, USA Today, and Emeritus Professor of Philosophy, DePaul University, Chicago, Ill.

** In a time of sexual scandals engulfing an American president and a former Surgeon General urging masturbation as a remedy for sexual engagement, this book is an avis rara. It extols sexual fidelity in marriage, now honored more in the breech than in the observance, and doesn't do so by moralizing, quoting Scripture, or arguing pragmatically about ethics and consequences. Rather, this slim volume presents the case for fidelity on its own intrinsic merits. Being faithful in one's marriage vows is the right thing to do, the author maintains, and she argues forcibly against the increasingly popular view that as long as adults consent to each going one's own way, any kind of conduct is acceptable.

The book is a good antidote to the way sex education is taught today--as important primarily so that one doesn't stumble into an unwanted pregnancy or suffer the consequences of venereal disease or AIDS. Wallace makes no claims that fidelity will guarantee a good marriage, only that people can't have a good marriage without it. She deplores how far we have come from the original meaning of intimacy, for now it seems merely to imply a physical sexual relationship.

The book is addressed primarily to parents to help explain the meaning and implications of "raging hormones" in their children. Yet, its insights apply almost equally to parents themselves. She writes from her own experiences and shares some of her own intimacies with the reader. Wallace cautions that temptations abound more than ever to sever the bond of fidelity and that sacrifices must be expected to keep that bond intact.

Despite her carefully laid out arguments for fidelity, whether among gays or heterosexuals, the old observation still is probably true: "To those who believe, no proof is necessary; to those who do not, no proof is sufficient."