The Long View - imagined proposal for book honoring the Y-generation - Brief Article

National Review, July 23, 2001 by Rob Long

Book Proposals from the Future

July 12, 2033

TO: Random House

RE: The "Greatest Generation"

As you may recall, the "Greatest Generation" series of media products was extremely popular 30 years ago. These products celebrated the lives and struggles of a generation of Americans who took part in World War II (the one before the one started by China) and who returned home to build suburbs, golf courses, aerospace and computer technology, strange rounded outdoor grills, and simple family units.

But what about the generation that was grandfathered by the "Greatest" generation? What about the famous Generation Y, the last completely verbal generation of Americans?

Meet the heroes of Gen-Y-in their own voices.

Meet Troy, who tells us what his life and struggle were like:

"Okay, it was like me and my dad 'cause my mom was like, totally stressing from some stuff that was up between her and her dad, so, like, she was basically not around and stuff, but, I mean, she was around, okay, but you could tell that she was, like, thinking about a lot of other stuff that was going on or whatever. So, like, I spent a lot of time on my computer and whatever and that's how I figured out the whole missile-shield deal. It was pretty cool to invent the missile shield, I guess. And when that guy from that country tried to blow us up or whatever and the missile shield worked and stuff, I was all, 'Hey, pretty cool,' and everyone was all, 'Hey, Troy, you're a hero, and whatever,' and that was cool."

Meet Montana:

"Oh my God! I am just so freaking out right now remembering how it was back in, oh my God, 2001. Oh. My. God! Back then I was twenty! I'm fifty-three today, and I am just so freaking out about it! I told my daughter the other day that I was having this major meltdown about the passage of time and she just totally dissed me in a majorly rude way and I wanted to grab her and say "Hey! Props to your mom, okay?" She doesn't have any idea what my life has been all about, or what I've done. I used to follow Phish around-you know Phish? the band?-and to make money I'd make these stupid scented candles and sell them in the parking lot? And then one day I wasn't paying attention or something and some of the hummus I was eating got accidentally stirred into the scented wax, and, well, long story short, that was the beginning of what became the biggest selling fat substitute in food-additive history. And my daughter's like, completely not interested in what her mother invented. That's the problem with kids-they just have no respect."

Meet Jamal and Tyrelle:

"Yeah, we're old school, I guess. Back in the day, we were pretty hardcore rappers-you know-with the angry expression and the gangster outlook. We were pretty much the last regular rappers to come down the pike-worked with Snoop Dogg and Puffy Combs on the last regular rap album back in 2003. That was right before they discovered that rap cures colon cancer-I want to say 2004? Maybe later? I'm not sure. You get in your sixties, man, you just start to forget stuff, you know? Anyway, something about the music just gets inside the colon and shakes it loose. I'm happy it helps, of course, but there's not much money in it now, especially since the HMOs got involved."

Meet Zeke:

"At first I was all, 'Me? A hero?' And then I got to thinking about it and I realized that, yeah, I am a hero, I guess. I mean, back in 2002 I just wanted a job, you know? And I knew stuff about computers, and there was a CompUSA in the mall near my house, and my mom and dad were, like, TOTALLY on my case about getting a job for the summer, so it was like a no-brainer or whatever you call it. It's hard to explain this all to my kids-they're all, 'Dad! Dad! Tell us why you're famous and on the twenty-dollar bill," and I'm all, "I've told you a million times." But they like to hear the story again. A simple story, actually. A guy comes into CompUSA and he's ready to spend, like, four thousand bucks on a new computer system, and so I ask him what he's going to use it for, and he tells me, and I just sort of blurt out without thinking, "Dude! You don't need a computer! You need a PAD OF PAPER!" and he looks at me like I'm insane and says, "What about the Internet?" And I just blurt out again, without thinking, "Dude! The Internet SUCKS!" But I guess I was the first guy at a CompUSA to admit that, and so when word got out, people stopped buying computers and surfing the Internet and everybody was so much happier, all from that one little thing and from me just blurting out the truth at that CompUSA."

These are the heroes of Generation Y-truly the Greatest Generation.