Little suppressors: dealing with the bookstore clerk who hates you

National Review, Sept 27, 2004 by Jay Nordlinger

CONSERVATIVES like to tell war stories--and refute them, a la the Swift Boat Vets--and some of those stories concern bookstores. And the people who work in them. Who tend to be ... well, not exactly the most conservative-friendly people in the world. The bookstore leftist is more standard than the bookstore cat. And conservatives have often found these stores to be hostile territory.

In recent weeks, reports have circulated that customers--or would-be customers--are having a hard time finding Unfit for Command, John O'Neill's anti-Kerry book. Conservatives have suspected that stores are keeping it from them, or that clerks are deep-sixing them, or that something untoward is happening. Paranoia is in the air.

But sometimes paranoids can be on to something. I don't scoff at these suspicions, mainly because of my own experience--most of it in Ann Arbor, Mich., my hometown. (Ann Arbor is a bookseller's paradise, and, in some ways, a conservative's hell.) I worked at a store called The Little Professor. The manager there--a nice guy, actually--wouldn't put out conservative magazines and gun magazines. He flat refused to bring them to the floor, acting as censor. My brilliant (and conservative) friend Eddie Krause came up with a new name for the store: The Little Suppressor.

It may be hard to believe, but it took something like an act of courage to buy a conservative magazine in an Ann Arbor bookstore. I used to dread it--the clerk was almost invariably cold, and he often bristled, and sometimes you got snotty remarks. It was a relief just to get through a purchase without incident. And I know many who could give the same testimony.

In truth, it could be dicey to ask for a bag--yes, a bag. That made you a despoiler of the environment, you see.

I know a journalist who lived in the Ann Arbor of the West, Berkeley. Purchasing his National Reviews and American Spectators at Moe's, he would say to the clerk, "Well, just keeping an eye on what the enemy is doing"--anything to get by. These tactics may not be brave, but, gosh, are they human.

As the Swift controversy heated up, the two bookselling giants, Borders and Barnes & Noble, were besieged by callers angry that they could not find Unfit for Command. Conservatives hollered, "J'accuse!" Both companies pleaded that it was the fault of the publisher, our beloved Regnery--the supplier had not printed enough copies to meet demand. Liberals, for their part, also besieged the companies, demanding that they pull the book from their shelves.

Come with me, now, to Borders-Union. org, "The Borders Books Employee Union Web Site." Herein lie some revelations--or confirmations. In notes to one another, Borders clerks have been griping about having to sell Unfit for Command, to the troglodytes who seek it. Although not every seeker is a trog: According to one clerk, "We did have a college professor come in looking for [the book]. She teaches a writing class and wanted to use it as an example of a 'false book.'" Or maybe she just wanted to read it and wanted to avoid grief from the clerk?

But let's get to the nitty-gritty. Writes a Borders Books beauty,

   We're "finding" [note those quotation
   marks] that most of the few copies we're
   getting are damaged and need to be sent
   back. So sad. Too bad, Bushies! Regnery
   needs to be more careful. I'm hearing
   from people at two other stores that this
   seems to be common.

Why should we help destroy what's left of our country?

Back for a second crack, our man exhorts,

   You guys don't actually HAVE to sell the
   thing! Just "carelessly" hide the boxes,
   "accidentally" drop them off pallets,
   "forget" to stock the ones you have, and
   then suggest a nice Al Franken or Michael
   Moore book as a substitute. Borders
   wants those recommends [sic], remember?

   I don't care if these Neanderthals in
   fancy suits get mad at me [fancy suits?].
   They aren't regular customers anyway.
   Other than "Left Behind" books, they
   don't read. Anything you can do to make
   them feel unwelcome is only fair.

Another Borders beauty writes, "I wish [conservative customers] really knew how little respect I have for them." Oh, we know, babe--we know.

Not long ago, readers of National Review Online sent in to me their experiences of trying to buy Unfit, and of dealing with bookstore clerks in general. Care for a (very) small sampling of their observations?

In Littleton, Colo., a Borders clerk told a customer that the store manager had decided not to stock Unfit for Command--it was "not in the best interests of the store." (The manager was a Kerry supporter, the clerk allowed.) At a Barnes & Noble in Cherry Hill, N.J., a clerk told a customer that the publisher had "recalled" the book, owing to "errors." The customer doubted it and said so. The woman merely shrugged. Elsewhere, a clerk refused to give a customer the advertised discount. Why? "That book is full of lies."

NRO readers from all over the country report that Unfit for Command and other conservative books tend to be in some bookstore Siberia, while bouquets of anti-Bush books are front and center. (Some clerks at BordersUnion.org have gloated about this.) As for the rude treatment--that's par for the course.