A Christmas Carol - family singing - Humor - Column

National Review, Dec 31, 2002 by ALOiSE BUCKLEY HEATH

Janet, canny little Janet, all of whose sins are premeditated and blatant, sang exactly what she intended to sing. "No L, no L, the angels did say." It was a matter of the angels' alphabet, she explained to me a little tiredly. "a b c d e f g h i j k m n o p q r s t u v w x y z. No L, get it, Mother, No L!" I eyed her suspiciously, because more humor in the family we do not need, but I let it pass.

Jennifer settled my next problem, which had to do with the angels. Do you know how the angel of the Lord shone around? He shone around in a glowy manner, that's how. While shepherds watch'd their flock by night, she explained, the angel of the Lord came and glowy showed around. How else?

Have you ever wondered, in the long watches of the night, what Child is this Who laid to rest on Mary's lap is sleeping? Well, it is the Child Whom angels greet with Anne the Sweet, while shepherds' watches keeping. Well, St. Anne was Mary's mother, certainly sweet and probably dead, argued Alison. Why wouldn't she be with the angels? As for the shepherds, what with their setting off for Bethlehem, well known for its good and bad thieves, keeping their watches was a very friendly gesture on the part of the angels. Anne the Sweet probably thought of it.

Some of them were taking an individual called Good Heed to the angels' ward, many of them with the jellied toast proclaiming; though all of them sang the "Coventry Carol," 20 of whose 28 words are "Lully, lully," absolutely correctly.

If anyone is interested in the geography of Bethlehem, I can tell you categorically that it lies on the seashore, just below the town of Dul. We know it is below Dul because the carol states very clearly that Bethlehem is what in Dul see you below (sometimes written in dulci jubilo), and we know it is on the sea because among the deep in dreamless sleep the silent stars go by, so that had to be the stars' reflection, see, Mother? Because they couldn't very well shine among the deep, could they, Mother?

This is the kind of thing that happens when your children get B2 in Reasoning Ability and C4 in Independent Reading.

The older children, to give credit where credit is due, made their misinterpretations on a far loftier level. Leaving history and geography to their younger siblings, Pam and Jim simply revised the Christian religion.

Pam, even Pam, kept announcing in her clear, sweet contralto that God and sin are reconciled; but she realized immediately, when it was pointed out to her, that God was far more likely to reconcile Himself to sinners than to sin, even if the book hadn't said so, which it had.

Jim had to argue a little. He was the one who kept urging the shepherds to leave their "you's" and leave their "am's" and rise up, shepherds, and follow.

"What in Heaven's name is this about you's and am's?" I asked him.

"Oh-h-h, rejection of personality, denial of self," said Jim grandly. "Practically the central thesis of Christian theology."

"Of course, I don't go to a Catholic college, but I think that's Communist theory, not Christian theology," I told him. "In any case, could you come down from those philosophic heights and join us shepherds down here with our ewes (female sheep) and rams (male sheep)?"