The Long View - Brief Article - Column

National Review, Feb 11, 2002 by Rob Long

Great Moments from The Arthur Andersen Story

From page 78, "The 1920s: The Bull Charges"

. . . don't know what the term "overvalued" means in the first place. Shares, by our meticulous analysis and investigation, are, if anything, undervalued. In our capacity as the "Keeper of the Nation's Books," we can aver with unmitigated confidence that American business is in robust health, and that the 1930s will be a decade of unparalleled growth. Indeed, as early as the autumn of 1929, according to our forecast, the American economy should explode with prosperity . . .

From page 121, "The 1930s: The Weimar Miracle"

. . . leads us to our unqualified enthusiasm for the new government and its fiscal strength. Of course, the Great War damaged many of the businesses that built Kaiser Wilhelm's powerhouse, but the ink wasn't dry on the Versailles Treaty before the new government of Germany got down to the hard work of stabilizing and strengthening the currency, and we can report to you today that the German mark is the bedrock on which the future of Germany can be built. Our exhaustive audit of the country's finances makes us almost giddy with optimism . . .

From page 204, "The 1940s: Mr. Roosevelt's Lasting Legacy"

. . . from the statistical standpoint, then, there's nothing at all to worry about. The population will, as our research shows, continue to sustain the new Social Security Administration indefinitely. Using the latest actuarial information, and applying our well-known no-nonsense skepticism, we're confident that the Social Security Administration is built upon a granite-like financial foundation. Our advice to the Americans of the future is to forget saving for retirement-the Social Security Administration will provide all the savings necessary for a healthy and happy . . .

From page 289, "The 1950s: TV's Shining Star, The DuMont Network"

. . . tired offerings of NBC and CBS. The new television network, owned and operated by the DuMont Corporation, has already responded nimbly to the changing entertainment environment in post-war America. Hungry for more variety in their programming, thousands of American families are tuning their television dials to the DuMont Network's embarrassment of riches. Musical programs and comic fare round out a schedule of exciting westerns and educational presentations, all sure to capture the attention-and viewing loyalty-of a new generation of Americans. A careful and thorough audit of the company's financial strength paints a rosy, unblemished picture of a golden and prosperous future, and investors would be wise to purchase as many shares as . . .

From page 438, "The 1960s: The Great American Hat"

. . . his youthful good looks, pleasing Boston accent, and vigorous energy. The president has, until now, not been an especially ardent hat-wearer, and yet our recent painstaking audit of The American Hat Company-done with our usual care and relentless pursuit of precision- leads us to believe that the 1960s will be known as "The Hat Decade." According to our calculations, The American Hat Company has recorded a whopping 23,987 % increase in hat sales in the months since the Kennedy inauguration, suggesting that a hat-mania is sweeping the country. While this means that the 1960s are sure to be a staid, somewhat subdued decade, it also suggests . . .

From page 776, "The 1970s: The Everlasting DeLorean"

. . . famous for his provocative designs-including the Ford Mustang, among others-is bringing his design flair and financial wizardry to a new venture, one we're proud to serve as auditor and chief accountant. The sleek, smooth look of his signature car is matched only by the solidity and dependability of DeLorean's financial base. According to our painstaking audit, DeLorean Motor Company has managed to return a whopping 93,987 % profit-before even releasing a product. Clearly, this is a company that is here to stay, and in our opinion, is an investment worth its weight in . . .

From page 800, "The 1980s: Ishtar: The Movie of the Decade"

. . . a collaboration of luminaries can only mean one thing: a blockbuster hit. After a complete top-to-bottom review of the studio's cash-flow and profit statements, we can assure investors that Ishtar will be an "evergreen" cash cow for the foreseeable . . .

From page 852, "The 1990s: E-Toys and WebVan: Rock-Solid Finances for Rock-Solid Companies"

. . . in many ways symbolize the promise of the "New Economy." Both companies boast large advertising budgets and both have recently purchased large sports arenas, which, in our long experience, signals solidity and dependability. Our by-now trademark auditing techniques- carefully and thoroughly reviewing each document, invoice, or receipt before individually and precisely shredding it-reveal that both companies have the cash flow necessary to sustain any economic condition. Both continue to show explosive growth in the areas of advertising expenditure and executive compensation, which is enough for us, and both assure us that their lack of profit, in the traditional sense, is merely a question of semantics . . .