The Long View - Brief Article

National Review, Feb 25, 2002 by Rob Long

The Peterson Family Sends a Memo

to: Doris Peterson

Senior Vice President

The Peterson Family Inc.

from: Michael Peterson

CFO

The Peterson Family Inc.

in re: Expenses

Dear Doris:

Pursuant to our discussion of last evening, and after careful review of your submitted expenses, it has become clear to the management of The Peterson Family Inc. that the Doris Peterson division of The Peterson Family Inc. must be shut down as of close of business today.

Please know that we will do everything possible to keep key personnel of the division (essentially, you, Doris Peterson) in the company fold. But certain other personnel (yoga instructor, decorator, Esperanza the housekeeper, the pool man, etc.) will be terminated as of close of business.

It is with great regret that we also insist on imposing on your division certain financial controls. Each check, however small, will now require the signature of the CFO of The Peterson Family Inc., and the division's ability to deal independently with vendors will be terminated, as will its ability to access lines of credit.

With the decline in 2001 revenues, prompted by the economic downturn and the financial uncertainty in the wake of the events of September 11th, austerity measures are necessary and prudent.

Please also know that the other two independent business units of The Peterson Family Inc. will also be expected to make cutbacks. As a member of the company's senior staff, you will be expected to support these measures and to assist in their implementation.

Best Regards,

Michael "Mike" Peterson

CFO

The Peterson Family Inc.

The Peterson Family Issues

an Earnings Correction

to: Chase Manhattan

Mortgage Corporation

from: M. Peterson

CFO

The Peterson Family Inc.

in re: Loan #908945287

Dear Sir or Madam:

By our year-end fiscal review, it had become clear that the earnings previously reported for The Peterson Family Inc. in CY 2001 were overstated. Our most recent audit suggests a differential of $52,982.33.

In light of this discrepancy, we are alerting our many financial partners that projected earnings for CY 2002 will also be considerably lower than earlier estimates.

A slowdown in the economy, yielding lower-than-expected year-end bonuses for certain key staff (see Appendix A: "Instead of a Bonus, Enjoy This Christmas Ham"), and the uncertainty of the economic system following the events of September 11th have contributed to a decline in Peterson earnings. In addition, certain other key business partnerships reported larger-than-usual year-end expenses (see Appendix B: "Mrs. Peterson and Neiman Marcus" and Appendix C: "M. Peterson, Jr. and His New Car; Sarah Peterson and Her Winter Formal Dress"), and these expenses did not appear on our original financial statement.

These partnerships -- commonly referred to as "raptor partnerships" -- function essentially as autonomous financial units with little or no financial controls or oversight in place.

Obviously, we are doing everything we can to avoid such surprises in the future. One such partnership is currently under review (see Appendix D: "Statement of Intent to File for Divorce in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts") and two others are currently being liquidated (Appendices E and F: "Kids, You're Both Fired").

In such a climate of restructuring, it will be impossible for The Peterson Family Inc. to meet its debt-reduction targets in the near future. Thus, we are currently suspending all debt payments until Q4 of 2002. We thank you for your patience and your continuing confidence in The Peterson Family Inc.'s core business, which remains the sale and marketing of Whole Life Insurance products.

Sincerely,

M. Peterson

CFO

The Peterson Family Inc.

The Peterson Family Inc.

Issues a Press Release

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

The Peterson Family Inc.

Changes Its Name

Following nearly 20 years as a family-owned and -operated unit, The Peterson Family Inc. has changed its name to PeterSonIx. Its core business, the sale and marketing of Whole Life Insurance products, remains unchanged.

After completing a top-to-bottom restructuring this month, PeterSonIx shed several money-losing partnerships, notably three "raptor-style" arrangements with Doris Peterson, Michael Peterson, Jr., and Sarah Peterson. The remaining key business unit, Michael "Mike" Peterson, serves as Chairman and CEO of the reorganized PeterSonIx enterprise.

"I'm enthused and energized by the work ahead," said Peterson. "While the past few months have been difficult on a business level, I look forward to the challenges and opportunities of a new, leaner PeterSonIx organization. I still see tremendous growth potential in the Whole Life Insurance products industry. Now that we have our costs under control, PeterSonIx is poised for rapid growth. Also, I've lost about 25 pounds and am dating again."

PeterSonIx also announced today that it is relocating its headquarters from 308 Lazy Acres Circle to Oakwood Furnished Apartments, Unit 2376.