The Long View

National Review, March 24, 2003 by Rob Long

Transcript from Larry King Live, May 23rd, 2003

larry king: "Hello! You're on the air with Sonya Griff-Martine and Howard Zeiff, a couple of former human shields! What's your question?" caller: "Hi. I'd like to know if either one of them was scared at any time during the recent conflict?" larry king: "What about it? Were you scared? Was there some fear?" howard: "Nope." larry king: "Really? During the entire time, no fear, no regrets?" sonya: "Absolutely not, Larry. Absolutely not. We weren't afraid, Larry, we were proud." howard: "Totally proud." sonya: "Those were the proudest 79 minutes of my entire life, Larry." howard: "Mine too, Larry. No regrets." larry king: "Not even when the bombs were dropping?" howard: "Nope. Not even then. It's important to remember, Larry, that we believed in what we were trying to do." sonya: "Still do. Still do." larry king: "Boy. Loads of courage here, let me tell you. And so you guys were chained together . . ." sonya: "Right. Right." larry king: "And what were you shielding?" howard: "I believe it was an anthrax factory, Larry." larry king: "An anthrax factory? For making anthrax?" sonya: "That's unclear, at this point, because the U.N. inspectors were not allowed to actually finish their jobs." howard: "In the rush to war." larry king: "From Albany, Missouri, you're on the air with Sonya Griff- Martine and Howard Zeiff, former human shields! What's your question?" caller: "I'm wondering if the experience drew you guys closer together?" larry king: "Good question. What about it? Love? Romance? Iraq?" sonya: "You know, what's interesting is that Howard and I didn't know each other before we became human shields." howard: "We were both in committed relationships with other human shields at the time and it just sort of happened . . ." larry king: "Hey, I been there, my friends. Could sing a few bars of that!" sonya: "Well, at the time I was pretty unfulfilled with my partner. I guess I thought that, you know, being shields together would bring us closer. Boy, was I wrong. He got into this real bad space and just became too toxic for me to deal with." larry king: "Was there abuse?" sonya: "No, I mean he literally became toxic. He was shielding a dirty- bomb facility. But it wasn't like things were going great between us before that." howard: "And then Sonya and I got chained together to shield the anthrax plant, and we got to talking. Turns out we had so much in common. And I wasn't happy with my current lady at the time, either. She was making a big deal about her vegan diet, which was real, real hard for the Iraqis to accommodate, and her pillow wasn't hypoallergenic, and she's lactose intolerant, so it was basically like she was just kind of complaining a lot and kind of embarrassing me -- " larry king: "High maintenance?" howard: "Yeah, you know? I mean, I was like, 'Tina, we're guests in this country. We're guest human shields, okay? Just deal.' And she was all, 'Howard, you totally don't respect my needs.' And I was like, 'Teen, I do respect them, but we're ambassadors of our country here and we need to fit into their culture,' and it just went on from there. She was assigned to shield the political-prisoner torture camp and I was assigned to the anthrax factory and that was really the last time we talked. I got an e- mail from her the other day, and she's back in Seattle working at the BreadWorks & JavaRoaster, so she's cool." sonya: "She's actually organizing a shielders trip to North Korea. They have some stuff to be shielded there, I guess. And I think one of the TV networks is going to make it into a reality thing, you know?" howard: "So maybe we'll end up going there." larry king: "And now you and Sonya are married?" sonya: "Yeah, yeah. Cute story, actually. We both forgot to bring our sunblock to the anthrax factory, so we were like, broiling out there. And about five hours into it, we both sort of passed out in the sun. And then by the time we woke up, we were in one of those army medical tents -- " howard: "Like on M*A*S*H?" sonya: "'Cause, like, the army wasn't going to bomb the anthrax factory anyway, because, like, then anthrax would get all over the place, I guess . . ." larry king: "And your Iraqi hosts?" howard: "Didn't see them." sonya: "Anyway, this cool army chaplain or whatever . . ." howard: "Like on M*A*S*H?" sonya: ". . . he offered to marry us and so we were both, whoa, could be cool, so we did it." larry king: "San Onofre, California, you're on with the human shields! Hello!" caller: "Hi, Larry, I'd like to know if either one of them felt hassled or if they were interrogated by anyone after they were rescued." sonya: "Um, okay, we weren't rescued, okay?" howard: "We were revived, really. From sunstroke." sonya: "You know, Larry, there's this idea now that since the war went by so fast, and since the Iraqis seemed so happy to be quote unquote liberated, that we human shields have something to apologize for or something to be ashamed of, and that's just totally untrue." howard: "Ask the Iraqis in a couple of years what it's like not to have the free health care they had under Saddam. I'm just saying." larry king: "So no interrogations? No debriefing?" sonya: "Of course not. I mean, why would they? We don't know anything." larry king: "Tomorrow night! Gary Coleman for the whole hour!"