No, Virginia…

National Review, Dec 28, 1992 by John O. O'Sullivan

* Christine Allison, who writes about children's literature, was recently asked by her daughter Virginia if there was a Santa Claus. Remembering that an earlier Virginia had received a memorable answer to that very question in the form of an editorial in the New York Sun, she rooted it out. Like many readers before her, she was entranced by the reply of the writer, Francis Pharcellus Church.

Mrs. Allison (she's the wife of NR contributing editor Wick Allison) has just re-published the exchange, along with some biographical information on Virginia (O'Hanlon), Mr. Church, and the caricaturist, Thomas Nast, who is largely responsible for the image we have of Santa Claus as a jolly, fat man in a red suit and a white beard. It is a charming small compilation (Delacorte Press, $10) and, I should guess, a useful escape hatch for anyone with inquisitive children.

And it set me thinking. How fortunate that first Virginia was to stumble across Mr. Church. Suppose she had encountered not a seasoned, world weary, slightly cynical professional journalist--who did not in fact want the assignment--on an inspired day, but someone who really cared about children and would treat them with the respect due to them as potential adults. Suppose, in short, that she had written to Hillary Clinton ....

Dear Virginia, I must first congratulate you on not making the assumption that Santa Claus (if she does exist) is a white male. Santa is not a gender-specific name; in Latin countries it is usually applied to female "saints" (what we would now call "wise women"). And the social activism ascribed to Santa Claus by legend clearly falls into the class of nurturing tasks normally undertaken by women. Mr. Nast's illustrations of Santa Claus--apparently based on mere anecdotal evidence--are plainly patriarchal conditioning. We would do better to picture Ms. Claus as a bi-lingual female person of color, a sort of non-denominational, pluralistic Mother Teresa (pro choice, of course).

Let me now turn to the question of whether Ms. Claus does in fact exist. Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is not conclusive proof. We do not see sub-atomic particles or the AIDS virus. We deduce their existence from their effects. Now, Virginia, what are the effects of which Santa Claus is the apparent cause? You say: toys, a welding set, a treatise on accountancy, a copy of Heather Has Two Mommies.

Delightful are they not, at first glance? But reflect for a moment on their function. They are placed there to divert you from what is truly most precious to a pre-adolescent woman: her rights. Yes, Virginia, unformed and simple as your letter shows you to be, you nonetheless have rights. And when we deconstruct the ideology of Christmas gift-giving, we necessarily unmask Santa Claus to reveal the forces who wish to blind you to the existence of those rights--namely your parents. It is they who, in filling your stockings, have allocated your share of total household income entirely in accordance with their own preferences-- and who then disguise this act of arbitrary power as the operation of a mythical being, originally a goddess-figure, but now decked out in the trappings of patriarchal power (fast sleigh, etc.).

In a fair world, Virginia, such as Uncle Bill and I hope to bring about,

Christmas would be a time for redistributing. Within your family, Christmas presents would be purchased following a democratic vote, if necessary under court supervision, and selected from the EEOC-approved catalogue, Gender-Free Gifts for Emerging Persons. In the Wider American Family, expanded welfare provision, financed by a Fairness Tax, would make it Christmas all the year round. For, as long as there is a solvent taxpayer at large in these United States, yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.