The Abolition of Marriage: How We Destroy Lasting Love. - book reviews

National Review, May 6, 1996 by Elizabeth Fox-Genovese

If one agrees to Eskridge's premises, one has to acknowledge the cogency of his case. The problem lies in the premises. Do we indeed see marriage purely as individual fulfillment to be entered into and abandoned in accordance with our fluctuating desires? More portentously, have we reduced the role of children in marriage to their mere procreation? Even a cursory glance at our world suggests that those premises do faithfully capture our attitudes toward marriage. But a second glance, through the lens of Miss Gallagher and Mr. Popenoe, suggests that, when we act on those premises, we sacrifice the well-being of our children and the stability of our own lives to the flighty pulls of sexual desire and romantic love.

There is a disquietingly disingenuous quality in Eskridge's reduction of children to "procreation," since, as we well know, rearing children requires considerably more than merely bringing them into the world. Human reproduction has always depended on a heavy infusion of protection and education, and children's need for both has only increased in our time. But then, adults also need something more than the gratification of their individual desires: we require a sense of purpose and binding commitment. Sadly, recent experience suggests that neither logic nor the narrow pursuit of self-interest can capture the fundamental needs that bind individuals to one another or into society. Indeed, as I finished The Case for Same-Sex Marriage, I could not but think that only religion offers a purpose that justifies self-sacrifice in the interest of a larger social -- and personal -- good.

Miss Gallagher movingly reminds us of the ultimate value of a binding commitment. Insisting that the meaning and end of marriage is love, she describes marriage as the embodiment simultaneously of infatuation and of justice: to disregard the claims of all persons but one in the attempt "to love just one other person the way God loves everyone." Only by pledging ourselves to such a union can we hope to raise responsible sons and daughters who will, in turn, be capable of the marriages that sustain civilization. Today, she writes, "it is not free love but the vow that is daring." We will never do anything more remarkable than to pledge ourselves to one other human being. The abolition of marriage strips us of that last possibility for heroism.