That's Why They Call 'Em Rockers - Brief Article

Interview, Oct, 1999 by Henry Cabot Beck

Thirty of the most scandalous moments in music since '69

What the Kansas Board of Education didn't take into account when it voted to remove evolution theory from the school curriculum was de-evolution of the species, which has been conclusively proven by the last thirty years of scandal, depravity, death, and indifference in the world of rock 'n' roll. As Quentin Crisp once put it, the human race will "sink back to an amoebic state, where it will require a coagulation of hundreds of teenagers to make up a single unit of vital force." Here we go:

1 The Altamont Festival in 1969, in which the happy-puppy exuberance of the Woodstock generation skids headlong into the snarling face of a pack of angry bikers. One man is stabbed to death, and the Rolling Stones stare aghast as the lumbering beast turns slowly and stares back.

2 The same year, Jim Morrison is arrested in Dade County, Florida, for unleashing the king's lizard. The 'Gator State loves curbing Miami vice, having forced Elvis, ten years earlier, to wiggle only his little finger. In a way, so did Morrison.

3 On September 13, 1996, West Coast rapper Tupac Shakur is shot and dies six days later. On March 9, 1997, his East Coast rival, the Notorious B.I.G., is shot dead in Los Angeles. Neither case has been solved.

4 In 1985, Tipper Gore and the Parents' Music Resource Center chase "harmful" lyrics - though not seriously threatened, the music industry caves in like a house of cards.

5 Milli Vanilli's real scandal was that anybody was shocked that a band faked their own singing. The lads took the heat for decades of producer-driven artifice. Band member Rob Pilatus killed himself in 1998.

6 In 1994, Rick James does time for drugs and forcing kinky sex on unconsenting women. Meanwhile, he sues M.C. Hammer for stealing riffs and puts the kibosh on sampling theft.

7 What's a sweet and dermatologically muddled kid from Gary, Indiana, to do? Michael Jackson is dethroned as the king of pop after 1993's pedophile allegations.

8 Warner Bros. runs like a scalded dog when there's a public outcry over Ice-T's "Cop Killer" on the 1992 album Body Count. The song is removed and Ice-T exits the label.

9 Elvis dies in 1977, is reborn, then spins in his grave in 1994 when his daughter marries Michael Jackson. Dr. George Nichopoulos gave Presley access to a reported 19,000 doses of medication during the two-and-a-half years preceding his death.

10 George Michael's 1998 misadventure in a men's room didn't create half the stir that was caused by his 1991 suit to sever his contract from Sony - a case that jolted the music world.

11 On April 1, 1984, Marvin Gaye is shot dead by his father, Marvin Sr.

12 Nice in Nice: On June 21, 1980, the Stranglers are arrested in the French city after reportedly inciting a riot when their university gig is canceled.

13 Glam rocker Gary Glitter never seemed so much like an old sequin than when, in 1998, he was arrested and charged with numerous counts of possession of child pornography.

14 The Pope and Sinead O'Connor - like Hope and Crosby, but who's the straight man? In 1992 Sinead restores Catholic authority by tearing up His Holiness's picture on Saturday Night Live.

15 Freddie Mercury dies on November 24, 1991. His announcement shortly beforehand that he had AIDS doesn't help break down taboos.

16 October 11, 1978: Nancy Spungen is stabbed to death in New York City. Latest rumor suggests Sid Vicious sat drooling in the corner of their Chelsea Hotel room while she guested in a snuff film.

17 On March 10, 1988, Andy Gibb dies after having prolonged affairs with cocaine, Hollywood starlets, and bad music. The scandal is that the public doesn't care.

18 Madonna's scandal is that there's no scandal. She can shock no one, not even when she stands naked on the street and flaunts sadomasochism at the world.

19 In 1992, Bill Clinton shamelessly kisses the ass of America's youth by playing wretched saxophone on The Arsenio Hall Show.

20 In Nevada in 1985, two teenage boys shoot themselves with a shotgun after listening to Judas Priest - one dies of his wounds, the other later ODs. The parents' case against the band is thrown out in 1990.

21 The IRS, evidently bored with chasing white-collar criminals who get rich bilking retirees, take it upon themselves to target James Brown, Chuck Berry, Jerry Lee Lewis, and others.

22 James Brown is Super Bad in 1988: He goes on the run, takes a ton of drugs (feels nice, like sugar and spice), beats his wife, gets arrested, does time, acts repentant, gets paroled - but can he still do the splits?

23 Bob Marley's death from cancer in 1981 is followed by the murders of Wailers Peter Tosh (1987), Carlton Barrett (1987), and Junior Braithwaite (1999).

24 Rolling Stone Brian Jones drowns in his swimming pool on July 3, 1969. Five days later Marianne Faithfull ODs after Mick Jagger ends their relationship. She survives an eight-day coma.

25 The Sex Pistols become tabloid villains after swearing on British TV on December 1, 1976. Subsequently dumped by EMI, they pocket the 40,000-pound advance.