All The Dish

Interview, Nov, 2000 by Brad Goldfarb

ONE MAN BITES HIS WAY THROUGH HUNDREDS OF PROTEIN BARS...AND LIVES TO TELL ABOUT IT

Boom time though this may be, no historian is likely to look back on the start of the twenty-first century for evidence that the western world once really knew how to live: sleep--we portion less and less of it out for ourselves; fresh air--only on vacations; and lunch--forget three martinis, we're lucky if we have the chance to eat it at all. Still, one has to keep the motor running, so occasional fuel-ups are the order of the workday. The low-carb, fat-free solution? For many it's protein bars, the latest fad to overtake the American diet, and, if they haven't already, coming to a deli, market, or health food store near you. To sort out the ensuing glut, I recently spent a week gorging on a large bin filled with hundreds of protein and nutrition bars. My findings? Aside from the discovery that the human metabolism can only handle so much "engineered nutrition" in the course of a single day, not all protein and nutrition bars are created equal. Here's my analysis of some of the best (and worst) of the bunch.

TIGER'S MILK

Before Clif, Power Bar, Zone Perfect, or any of those other upstarts, there was Tiger's Milk, a fact that the product's manufacturer has wisely elected to emblazon on its packaging. Surprisingly, despite all the new arrivals and the technical advances that have been made in the realm of food technology since its creation, Tiger's Milk, which offers only products that are carob-coated and peanut-based, is still one of the best-tasting of its kind, with none of the texture problems that plague so many of the wannabes. The carob coating is a convincing stand-in for chocolate, and the peanut center is smooth and nutty enough to feel more like a candy bar than something designed to withstand nuclear fallout. Which just goes to show, sometimes changing your stripes is beside the point.

CLIF

When you ask people to pay upwards of a dollar for a prepackaged snack, the packaging counts, and no one counts more on this front than the folks at Clif. In their choice of both graphics (a retro, 1930s style) and language (product information is delivered in a folksy, personal tone), Clif is the unparalleled leader in the nutrition/protein bar arena. Though the bars come in a variety of flavors-from Chocolate Chip to Crunchy Peanut Butter-its basic formula, a patty made of whole grains and dried fruits, remains pretty much the same from one bar to the next. As such, it's closer in spirit to a bran muffin than to a candy bar. Though some might complain Clif veers too far to the side of wholesome, by virtue of using ingredients actually found in nature, Clif avoids the traps presented by artificial ingredients. Recently the line has been expanded to include a brand called Luna, which for no apparent reason is being advertised as the "The Whole Nutrition Bar for Women." Could it be because with varieties featu ring chocolate and lemon icing it's closer in spirit to a candy bar, something marketers assume women have a greater weakness for than men? Maybe so, but with a passing resemblance to a Rice Krispie Treat, it's hard to imagine anyone's preference for Luna being gender specific.

WORLDWIDE SPORT NUTRITION

The manufacturer of one of the most extensive lines of meal-replacement bars, Worldwide offers some of the most ambitious flavors (Blueberry Cheesecake, White Chocolate Mousse) and creative formulations (from standard bars to cookie dough) of any product out there. The Worldwide line, however, is less notable for its cornucopia of choices than for its chalky, unnatural texture--a quality made worse by the fact that once out of their shiny, plastic-coated wrappers, many of the bars have a dull, almost dusty appearance, suggesting that they sat around the lab too long before reaching your lucky mouth. Not even the most gullible could believe that something this far removed from nature could spell good health.

LABRADA

Labrada's Hi-Protein Meal Replacement Bar may indeed have an "award-winning taste!" (as its label proclaims, an honor bestowed upon it by an organization known as the American Tasting Institute), and in truth, its Double Chocolate Chunk and Chocolate Peanut Butter varieties are not bad in the flavor department. But where Labrada loses points is in the Achilles' heel of many a nutrition bar: texture, dissolving into chalky, crumbly bits once you bite through the initial burst of artificial flavoring. Fueling up for the final leg of a triathlon? Now might be the time to consider eating one of these. Otherwise, if it's just plain-old nutrition, low carbs, or high protein you're after--might I suggest a can of dry tuna?

POWER BAR

Self-described as a "performance energy" food, Power Bar was one of the first to make the leap from health food stores to less-specialized environments, and today you're as likely to find it on the shelf of your local Korean deli as you are a can of Pringles. It's not hard to see why: Power Bar has taken what is perhaps the biggest drawback to this kind of engineered food--its chewy, unnatural consistency--and turned it into an asset. Instead of trying to disguise their product's gumminess with a cake-like quality, the folks at Power Bar have taken the opposite approach, making their bars more like taffy than anything else on the market. Though you can count on burning some extra calories with all the chewing you'll be doing, the texture works, as do the brand's flavors. What's more, Power Bar actually tastes like the description emblazoned on its packaging.