Hall Of Famer - Liza Minelli

Interview, March, 2000 by Sam Harris

LM: Yeah, it feeds them, but I don't like the new fear. The new fear attacks me. You need friends to get you through it. I don't want to do anything alone, Sam.

SH: I suspect that you are able to express the fears of where you are partly because you have grown up in the press.

LM: Yes.

SH: People already know the information, so you have no choice but to talk about it. But what made you no longer want the drama associated with your life history?

LM: The truth. Dealing with the truth of what is, what you are, acknowledging your problems, honoring your problems, honoring your demons, and saying, You can come in because I can deal with you.

SH: That's a tough thing to do.

LM: It's very tough to do, but it's a wonderful journey. They say you live one day at a time, and that's where the joy is. Because the fear of the unknown and the regret of the past can kill you.

SH: Last Thanksgiving, when we were sitting around the table, you made a wonderful comment about feeling grateful.

LM: About how it's very difficult to feel depression or fear or anger when you are grateful.

SN: What are you grateful for?

LM: I am grateful when I wake up in the morning. I'm grateful that I've made my iced coffee and it's in the refrigerator. I am grateful that Lily's there. [Lily is a Calm terrier] I am grateful for my sobriety.

SH: It's been difficult to get to that place, hasn't it?

LM: [pauses] Yes. But it has a lot to do with faith, I think. It's a weird thing. I have more faith now and more responsibility. I am not by myself and God is with both of us. I hope that doesn't sound corny, but that's really strong.

SH: I know for me that it's hard to know the difference between taking responsibility and taking charge. When you tell someone else, to, say, choose the photographs for the show because you know he knows what we're after, that's a change. Ten years ago you would have been there with the pencil and ripping things up. You've found some serenity.

LM: Being able to do that takes living. And there's a difference between being obsessed and being hands-off. I mean, I'll go through the final pictures. But you have to work with people you trust. You can't think that you are the only one who knows what's going on, because you aren't.

SH: Well, after trusting so many people to help you put together this show, how did it feel when the Palace run began?

LM: As you know, there was that dress rehearsal. What a joke! A dress rehearsal and all of New York was there. It was terrifying. And I came out and took a deep breath and started to sing, and nothing came out. I looked at you and thought, That's it! I don't belong up here; why am I doing this to myself? This is so stupid. I obviously can't do this! I have to get a farm and I have to raise those dogs. I want to breed standard poodles and Cairn terriers. Finally, I looked down at you, as if to say, "Give me a signal, we've got to save my ass up here!" And then the voice started to come back. It was fear I had, and fear affects my throat.

SH: But didn't fear used to motivate your throat?