Proud Mary J

Interview, July, 1995 by Veronica Webb

VW: So what does it feel like, Mary? Everybody wants to know, what does it feel like?

MJB: What does what feel like?

VW: What does it feel like to have a gift inside of you, and it's just something that you live with, and then suddenly everybody steps up and they recognize it?

MJB: It feels very good. There ain't no bust about it.

VW: It must be scary sometimes.

MJB: You just got to look at it as all good. It is scary. Life is scary. Everything is scary if you look at it. So you just got to live. You got to be happy and without a care in the world. You got to be all right in your heart. Fuck the outside of you as long as that heart is clean. I mean, I know my heart is not clean, and your heart is not clean, and none of our urban hearts are clean. But you can be washed again.

VW: Mmm-hmm. It's hard.

MJB: It's very hard. So no one should judge you, because it's hard for everybody.

VW: You talk about violence a lot in interviews. Did you grow up with it?

MJB: Yeah. I grew up on it - in it, on it, all of that. It's not the right way of life. But yo, it's the way of life. And it's how you go about it, too.

VW: Do you worry about people judging you? People judge you all the time. They listen to your records. They write critiques. They talk about how you dress, who you go out with, what you eat, what you smoke, what you drink.

MJB: Well, it's like this: Ain't nothing I can do about it. So I got to live for Mary. Fuck thinking about the judging.

VW: Was there a point when people first started paying attention to you where you were like, "Damn, why?"

MJB: There ain't nothing you could really say. Of course, when you're younger, you're going to ask "Why?" to a lot of things. But when you find out the answer, there's no more question. Do you believe in loving your neighbor?

VW: Oh yeah. That's real basic. What made you think about loving your neighbor?

MJB: 'Cause you have to. It feels good. And it should all feel good.

VW: But why did that come up? Are you living in a way that's different now because you've got a lot of neighbors? Everybody who picks up Essence and reads about you becomes your neighbor. Everybody who listens to your record becomes your neighbor.

MJB: No, they don't.

VW: Have you ever felt like maybe it wasn't going to work, maybe you weren't going to be happy?

MJB: I never thought like that. I mean, all my life, I never really thought negative about nothing. Never.

VW: Your last album established you as part of the big boys' club. It had a lot of attitudes that were more masculine. My Life is more of a girl's album than your last album.

MJB: And people, when they hear pain, you think of pain ... and that's the bottom line. Everybody will be hurting. Listen to a baby crying, and you'll cry, you'll hurt. You know what I'm saying?

VW: I do understand. What makes you think I don't?

MJB: You look like you don't.

VW: l was just thinking it through. Did you write a lot before?

MJB: I didn't write anything on my first album. There were a lot of my emotions in it.

VW: What made you want to write, because it seems like your songs are mostly about hurting?