Proud Mary J

Interview, July, 1995 by Veronica Webb

MJB: Do you like being in this life?

VW: Yeah, I do.

MJB: What do you like about it?

VW: In a lot of ways, it's freedom. I like being off the block.

MJB: You think it's freedom? You've got a point.

VW: You know what's not freedom? Standing in the welfare office.

MJB: But you know what? I'm going to tell you this right here. [This life] is freedom, but it's hell.

VW: I'm not so sure if it's really hell.

MJB: It's reality. You can't walk out of that door and think it's going to be Alice in Wonderland.

VW: It sounds like you need to maintain a let of control - like you'd be regulating.

MJB: I don't regulate. I regulate within me. I get Mary together. I speak to Mary. 'Cause I'm no better than you, you, or you. And I can't get on no throne and preach, 'cause I'm not God.

VW: No, it's not about getting on a throne and preaching.

MJB: That's what I'm saying. I can't get on a throne and preach. I can't make the world sit down. And that's the bottom line. Because that's the most powerful source right here, [what] we have [within ourselves].

VW: At the same time, you're a woman. And the business is net set up for women. Usually people wouldn't listen to you when you say, "I want to do this or that."

MJB: You can't restrict your mind on the business. You've got to restrict your mind on the work and how you want to live.

VW: Do you have different survival skills now?

MJB: I have survival skills, period.

VW: Did you add new ones?

MJB: Uh-uh.

VW: What about the etiquette course you enrolled in with Angelo Ellerbee from [the public relations firm] Double Exxposure?

MJB: Angelo Ellerbee is the perfect example of what we need to be. He can't be fucked with.

VW: Why not?

MJB: I'm thinking about it. Do you know why? I would have figured it out if I was you.

VW: Why? Because he's happy in himself? Because he knows where he comes from? Why? What did he do with you for twenty-four weeks?

MJB: I wasn't with him for twenty-four weeks.

VW: Really?

MJB: That was the length of the course. [Blige attended it for seventeen weeks.] See, the more you ask me stupid questions, the more I'm going to give you stupid answers.

VW: Why was that a stupid question? That's consistently in your press, Mary.

MJB: It really is consistently in my press. But why do you think I went? Why do you think I went for such a short period of time?

VW: Because you knew a lot of it already, and you learn fast.

MJB: Well, why are you asking me the question? We need to be alone, right? Because we're going to fight, ain't we?

VW: No. It takes a lot to offend me. I might be offending you.

MJB: No, I'm not trying to offend you. So we need to fight

VW: No. Why would we need to fight, Mary? Over what? [laughs] You might need to scold me a little bit, because I've got a feeling that there's something I'm missing. And that's O.K.

MJB: You ain't missing nothing. It's all good. I'm trying to tell you. Everything is good. The bad is good.

VW: Yup.

MJB: Take me away, Kill me, Stab me. Shoot me. One day I know I'm gonna have to get up out of this bitch [this life], because my God won't stand for all this unfairness.