Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety

Progressive, The, May, 2005 by Ruth Conniff

No, Warner's nightmare America, her "crucible," is the Washington where, she writes, "four of my second-grader's girlfriends have told me they are 'on a diet.'" And, "'It's hard to do homework after a 7 p.m. hockey game,' I hear."

It does sound awful. But this sort of life, it must be said, is optional.

I agree with Warner that sexism is alive and well. Too many women are pulling a double shift. Our society undervalues children and their caregivers--both paid and unpaid. But the people I admire most have a different worldview from Warner. These men and women--great parents and grandparents and child development experts and preschool teachers--take a keen interest in children. Their love and patience is a hopeful model, not just for parents, but for everyone, I think.

For there is, in addition to the sleep loss and the compromise of self and the hard physical and emotional work and rest of the mess of parenthood, the extreme joy and delight and satisfaction that it entails. Best of all, having children makes us see the sweetness of life in the moment, and step outside ourselves. In that way it can be a window on a better and happier way of living.

There is probably no more important ingredient in good parenting than keeping your sense of humor. Likewise, out of an appreciation for what's hilarious and beautiful and wonderful about having children, it seems to me, a better society can grow.

Ruth Conniff is Political Editor of The Progressive.