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Progressive, The, Jan, 1993 by Susan Douglas

Okay, kids, pay attention. It's the time of year when we draw up lists of who's been naughty and who's been nice over the past twelve months. So we are hereby inaugurating the first annual pundit awards, for best pundit, worst pundit, and lots in between. This year, I get to pick, since I thought of it. But next year, in keeping with the spirit of this magazine, the process will be much more democratic. You, our hard-edged, cantankerous readers, will submit nominations, and I'll report the results. Meanwhile, here's my completely unbiased, objective, and, of course, infallible list of the glittering achievements and mind-boggling inanities in the land of punditry.

Worst all-around pundit: No contest here. John McLaughlin wins hands down. Not only is he the loudest, the bossiest, and seems always to have the most spittle on his lips, but he also has been dead wrong about virtually everything, from the state of the economy to who would win the election. His predictions never come close to anything that happens on Planet Earth, and his ideological perspective is from the Mesozoic era. A truly dreadful pundit. Anyone who performed this badly in other lines of work would be summarily fired, unless, of course, he was an economic adviser to George Bush or charm-school instructor to Marilyn Quayle.

Best all-around pundit: This is a tie between Anna Quindlen of The New York Times and our own Molly Ivins. All year, Quindlen has written eloquently about topics as important and diverse as AIDS, "ethnic cleansing" in Bosnia, and the Quayles' exploitation of their daughter in the debate on abortion. Her special talent is interweaving the personal with the political so that the connection between what happens in our kitchens or living rooms, and what happens in Washington, is crystal-clear. Molly Ivins I don't have to tell you about--she's consistently incisive and hilarious and has the most accurate and sensitive bullshit detector in the business. So when you're throwing orange-juice cartons and half-eaten bagels at Fred Barnes or Cokie Roberts on Sunday morning, remember these passionate voices of reason.

Most heroic pundit: Anthony Lewis, also of The Times. With titles like "The Rot of Corruption" and "Living with Lies," Lewis hammered away, week after week, on George Bush's bald-faced lying about his roles in Iran-contra and "Iraq-gate." While the rest of the media either ignored or pooh-poohed Bush's roles in these scandals, Lewis dared to ask, "Is there no level of falsehood that Bush hesitates to breach?"

Pundit with the most pronounced inverse relationship between his ego and his talents: Sam Donaldson. Guess which is inflated and which is puny.

Best advice from a pundit: George Will to George Bush: Step down as the Republican nominee and take Dan-boy with you; if you don't, your party will lose.

Worst advice from a pundit: Sam Donaldson to George Bush: Hey, I've got a great idea. If you want to get re-elected, just re-invade Iraq, divide it up into new countries, and, while you're at it, assassinate Saddam Hussein.

Least welcome return of a pundit: Pat Buchanan. Fresh from his call for a ji-had against all nonwhite, nonheterosexual, non-upper-middle-class non-Bible thumping males and females whose families fail to mimic The Ozzie and Harriet Show, Buchanan is now back as a regular on The McLaughlin Group. Look forward to being warned about swarms of Haitians polluting America, the rampant spread of buggery and feminism, and other fantasies about the ideological and physical miscegenation of the good ol' U.S. of A.

Most homophobic pundit: You be the judge. In the wake of Bill Clinton's announcement that he intends to lift the ban on gays in the military, the pundits sat there with their legs crossed real tight, hands protecting their crotches, and tittered nervously as they defined all gay people exclusively by their sexuality. Evan Thomas of Newsweek fretted over what would happen "in close quarters," especially when men "take showers together," and his imagination ran wild as he wondered out loud what would happen "below decks in a submarine." Interesting choice of vessel, don't you think? Juan Williams suggested that, unlike race, which is an "immutable physical characteristic," homosexuality is a "behavioral characteristic," meaning there's a clear and deliberate choice involved. Dismissing Clinton's announcement as nothing more than a political "pay-off," Charles Krauthammer insisted that people don't oppose the move "because they're homophobic," but because they care about the effects gays would have on morale in the military. (Run that distinction by me again.) This must explain the reasoning of troglodyte Admiral Thomas Moorer (Ret.) who was given an inordinate amount of air time by the producers of This Week with David Brinkley. He ranted and raved about letting "lezbins" and other "people like that ... degrade the military readiness" of the armed services. The assumption that homosexuality equals promiscuity, and that all gay people think about is sex, was never exposed or debunked.