A visit to an Uzbek family - the family, past and present in Uzbekistan, Soviet Union

UNESCO Courier, July, 1989 by Claire Fournier

A French journalist specializing in family questions describes a recent visit to Soviet Uzbekistan.

MY husband and I stayed in an Uzbek household comprising a couple, both university teachers, whose second daughter lived with them. Their elder daughter was already married. Despite its European characteristics, this family of intellectuals is firmly attached to a traditional way of life that reveals the vigour of an ancient culture and religion.

Like all visitors, we had to leave our shoes in the hallway. The apartment was a blend of east and west. Modern furniture was set among an array of rugs and cushions.

Uzbek hospitality is legendary. Throughout our stay, we were showered with kindness and copiously fed. "Our home is your home," the mistress of the house said time and again, her hand on her heart as a sign of respect.

We were offered a wide range of national dishes, including the celebrated plov, a rice and mutton dish traditionally eaten with the fingers from a vast earthenware platter (see Unesco Courier, December 1984). We were never given pork, which is prohibited among Muslims.

Most of the time it was the daughter of the house, Rano ("Rose-Red"), who served the meals, without sitting down herself. She followed a particularly graceful ritual when serving the green tea, slowly pouring a little of the hot liquid into red and gold porcelain goblets which she offered to us, held in the tips of her fingers without touching the rim, palm upwards.

Her mother, Ferouza ("Turquoise"), confided to me how important it was that her daughter should have good manners and be a skilled housekeeper, for these are the qualities which will be most appreciated by her future in-laws.

Rano was twenty years old. Matchmakers had already been calling on her parents for two years, but the latter were in no great hurry to give her hand in marriage, partly because they wanted her to finish her economics studies at university, and partly because weddings are very expensive and it was not long since Rano's elder sister had been married. With us," they explained, It is usual to have a large number of guests at the wedding-one or two hundred, sometimes even three hundred, and the celebrations go on for at least three days. People often run up huge debts."

The bride's dowry also had to be constituted. Rano's parents, who enjoy a comfortable standard of living, must provide the furnishings for two rooms: all the carpeting, bedding and crockery for a bedroom and a dining room. Their daughter's trousseau would include around forty outfits and a dozen pairs of shoes. Ferouza was extremely concerned about this. "We can't do less for the younger one than we did for her sister, she said with a sigh, otherwise we shall be criticized."

Custom dictates that a young couple should go to live with the husband's family. The in-laws must therefore provide their son with two rooms, even if this entails moving house.

Lengthy preparations are made before an Uzbek marriage is celebrated. In Tashkent, the capital of the Uzbek Soviet Socialist Republic, marriages are normally contracted only between natives of the city. "There's no chance," explained Ferouza, "of a city girl marrying a provincial, and a Muslim girl wouldn't usually marry a non-Muslim."

When a young man has reached marriageable age, his mother looks for a wife for him. Generally accompanied by one of her female relatives, she pays an initial visit to the family of a suitable girl. The two women note the conditions in which the potential in-laws live and ask about future prospects. If this preliminary meeting is considered satisfactory, the women will come back again and the two families will get to know one another better. Each side does some detective work. If the two familles eventually reach agreement, an informal rendezvous is arranged between the two mothers, accompanied by the young people. The meeting occurs as if by chance-when leaving work, for example.

"I don't want to marry Rano off against her will," Ferouza explained. Nadir, my husband, had to resort to trickery in order to marry me. After turning down several girls which his mother had picked out for him, he finally pretended to give in to her reluctantly when she suggested my name. In fact he had already chosen me. But she was convinced that she had chosen her son's wife herself."

Ferouza abides by family traditions but finds them onerous. "There are a lot of family reunions and festivities," she said, "and I always have to serve a dish that I've made myself, which means that I have to stay up late to prepare my lectures. On top of the preparations for Rano's wedding, I also have to prepare for my grandsons' circumcision feast, which is coming up soon. New clothes will have to be bought for them and there'll be lots of guests-it will be very expensive. After Rano is married, there will be more children, more family festivities and more expense. I'm a bit tired of it," she admitted.

Her husband seemed more relaxed. A high-spirited man, he organized entertainment for us. It will be a long time before I forget a trip we made into the country, side, with the beautiful mountain scenery, the warm welcome we received everywhere, the eastern-style dances, open-air barbecues and traditional pastries. All Nadir's relatives would have been asked to contribute. "We'll do anything he asks of us," said his brother-in-law Farkhad, who is slightly younger than Nadir. "He's the head of the family because he's the oldest." Much respect is shown to the elders. To put elderly relatives in an old people's home would be unthinkable. They are looked after, we were told, by the family.