Tidbits & Outrages - Brief Article

Washington Monthly, Dec, 1999

Is that a watch in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

In August, the school district in Columbus, Ga., assigned aides to alter textbook photos of Emmanuel Leutze's famous "Washington Crossing the Delaware" painting because some grown-ups thought parts of Washington pocket watch might appear to fifth-graders to be the Founding Father's penis.

Pending further notice, soda bread and leprechauns are still OK

The Boston Housing Authority, as part of its "diversity program," has come up with a list of politically incorrect symbols, which includes such things as the Confederate flag and the swastika--and the shamrock.

In the spring catalog: hunting the last pandas

Neiman Marcus is currently offering their customers a chance to own a crocodile leather chair, made out of a crocodile that they hunted themselves. For $75,000 Neiman Marcus will fly you to Australia, where you will participate in the hunt at whatever level you feel comfortable." Your trophy will then be turned into a chair made to your specifications, with a special certificate of authenticity.

The love that dare not speak its name

Florida animal control officers want to neuter a stray pig for sexually assaulting a man's Harley Davidson.

"Tonight we're gonna collate like it's 1999"

Because of the increased need to have people at work on New Year's Eve this year, employers are offering incentives to those willing to forgo the holiday and stay at work. A New York public relations agency, Burson-Marsteller, is giving employees $2,000, champagne and a hotel room. In San Jose, Cisco Systems will hve thousands of employees eating lobster tail and enjoying gift packages. In Seattle, Microsoft will be throwing a party a party for about 300 staffers. The computer giant will hand out time capsules, have a deejay spinning tunes, and will be serving employees dinner and champagne.

You should have read my lips

Republican Tillie Fowler was elected from Jacksonville, Fla., in 1992 under the slogan "Eight (years) Is Enough." Fowler said in December 1998 that she might run in the 200 anyway, because "my problem was, I was to honest (when I made the pledge)."