No joke - Letters

Washington Monthly, Jan-Feb, 2002 by Jack Herzberg

Andrew Webb ("When Rubbers Hit the Road," November 2001) makes some interesting observations about the context in which gay men are "slipping," and practicing higher-risk sexual behavior. He notes that "in almost half the states, consensual sex between two men remains a criminal offense." True enough. But then he states that "most gay male relationships are a joke and rarely monogamous."

Andrew, dear boy. If you think that most gay male relationships are a joke, clearly you are hanging out with a bunch of clowns. The relationships I know of, including my own of 12 years, are enlivening, enriching, and fulfilling. Are they made more difficult for lack of societal sanction? Certainly. But to describe our relationships as a "joke" just feeds into society's impression that our relationships are not worth sanctioning.

It's bad enough when those from outside our community claim to understand who we are and then condemn us. But when such criticism comes from the inside, it's particularly disconcerting. I don't slip when it comes to safe sex. Period. Please continue to explore your own issues as to why this is a continuing problem for you, but leave me and my fabulous "joke" of a relationship out of it.

JACK HERZBERG via email