Meanwhile in America

My pal Dave has always puzzled me.

First off, he's a Jewish Republican.

NOTHIN' WRONG WITH THAT.

EXCEPT THE REPUBLICAN PART.

And he'd seemed wound up for years.

WHAT'S EATIN' THAT GUY?

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So when he finally came out to me a few years back, I wasn't so much surprised as further confounded.

SO HE'S A GAY JEWISH REPUBLICAN!

THE PLOT COAGULATES.

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Of course he still had to tell his family. One day Dave's mother pressed him a little harder than usual to date a nice Jewish girl, and wondered why he wouldn't.

DO YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW? YOU WON'T LIKE THE ANSWER.

And he told her.

OH, NO DAVID, YOU JUST HAVEN'T MET THE RIGHT GIRL YET.

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Well, either have I, come to think of it, dave hasn't met the right boy. We're just a couple of aging, balding guys whose prospects diminish with each additional potato chip.

'NOTHER CUP OF TEA?

URRRGHHHHH

SOUND OF MIDDLE-AGED MAN WITH FLABBY STOMACH MUSCLES ATTEMPTING TO GET FROM A SITTING TO A STANDING POSITION.

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Now to me, a gay Republican would seem an oxymoron (and a gay, Jewish republican oxymoronic), but Dave, who held elected office in a city council in washington State, and who could prove water runs upstream, begs to differ--

IN THE 2000 ELECTION, AN EXIT POLL FOUND THAT FOUR PERCENT OF VOTERS IDENTIFIED THEMSELVES AS GAY.

A QUARTER OF THOSE VOTED FOR BUSH.

GOOD GOD!

In fact, Dave is president of Washington States Log Cabin republicans, which seeks to educate his party about issues important to gays and lesbians.

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Dave dismisses my supposition that gays would find a more natural home in Democratic Party.

WITH THE EXCEPTION OF BRAGGING ABOUT APPOINTMENTS OF OPENLY GAY PEOPLE TO THE ADMINISTRATION AND SOME FEEL-GOOD WORDS, WHAT GOOD CAME OUT OF THE CLINTON YEARS?

WELL--

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HE SIGNED THE 'DON'T ASK DON'T TELL POLICY INTO LAW. IT PASSED A DEMOCRAT-CONTROLLED HOUSE AND SENATE.

WELL--

AND THE 'DEFENSE OF MARRIAGE ACT' WAS PASSED BY CONGRESS IN '96 AND SIGNED BY CLINTON.

WELL--

Well, no one ever accused Clinton of having a spine.

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IN THE THREE YEARS OF GEORGE BUSH'S PRESIDENCY, HE HASN'T SIGNED ANY ANTI-GAY LAW

GEORGE BUSH APPOINTED OPENLY GAY PEOPLE TO POSTS. HE JUST HASN'T BRAGGED ABOUT IT.

OR MAYBE HE DIDN'T WANT TO DRAW ATTENTION TO APPOINTMENTS THAT WOULD ALIENATE HIS CONSERVATIVE BASE.

I DIDN'T ACTUALLY SAY THIS AT THE TIME, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. I'M THE KIND OF GUY WHOSE POLITICAL ASTUTENESS IS TIME RELATED.

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But getting back to marriage, I ask Dave if it's an issue for him. Says Dave, "I was at a wedding once, and it struck me that I wasn't going to get married ... For me personally, it does matter because I have not only a civil but a religious prospect of what marriage means."

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THE TIME IS NOT RIPE FROM A SOCIAL-CHANGE PERSPECTIVE TO PUSH FOR GAY MARRIAGE. AND SO THE RADICAL RIGHT PICKED THE FIGHT NOW.

THEY'VE CHANGED THE FOCUS FROM WHETHER GAYS AND LESBIANS SHOULD BE TREATED EQUALLY TO GAY MARRIAGE.

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Dave explains the difference between the liberal gay person of my imagination and the reality of a gay Republican.

WHAT LIBERAL GAYS WANT IS ACCEPTANCE: GAY PRIDE RECOGNITION. CONSERVATIVE GAYS DON'T CARE IF WE'RE ACCEPTED BY SOCIETY OR NOT. WE JUST WANT TO BE TREATED EQUALLY UNDER THE LAW.

And according to dave, there are about 1,000 laws at the federal level about 1,000 more per state, which grant entitlement based on marriage--regarding probate, hospital visits, tax codes, etc.

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So, says, Dave, Bush will suddenly find himself on thin ice with Republican gays if he endorses the ban on same-sex unions being pushed by the party's zealots.

IF HE COMES OUT IN SUPPORT OF A FEDERAL MARRIAGE AMENDMENT, LOG CABIN WOULD NOT ENDORSE HIM.

IT'S CUT AND DRY.

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BUT IF THE ELECTION WERE TODAY, I'D VOTE FOR HIM.

And I'm sure Bush would be happy with any vote--gay or straight--he gets. In a tight race, he'd be loathe to alienate any Republican.

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Anyway, time for another cup of tea?

SO HOW'S THE DATING SCENE?

URRRGHHHHHH

DON'T ASK.

Come on, Dave! Do tell!

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