As the world burns: what will global warming do to the Bush ranch?

Washington Monthly, Sept, 2002 by Stephanie Mencimer

Like much of Texas, Crawford has been inundated by imported red tire ants, which have no native predators and have been known to eat through electrical wiring and kill small cute animals. Experts predict the heat-loving ants will continue marching at a furious pace, potentially devouring Prairie Chapel's deer and baby quail--not to mention the unsuspecting reporters Bush likes to drag through the brush (although the president might not object to tire ants swarming up Adam Clymer's pants).

Laura's Flower Beds: W. has complained about armadillos plundering his wife's flower beds, but they're no match for grasshoppers, which stand to thrive in a new warmer world. Already, a string of warm winters and summer droughts have created perfect breeding conditions for the voracious vaulters, which have chowed their way through thousands of acres of Texas pasture over the past four years. The presence of the Secret Service hasn't spared Crawford from the plague. "The grasshopper problem is pretty bad," says Stacey Driver, who works at the Crawford Station convenience store, which doubles as the Crawford Chamber of Commerce. In a warmer future, grasshoppers could turn the Prairie Chapel ranch into a post-apocalyptic Alamo, with little greenery besides those pesky waterguzzling cedars Bush is always chopping down.

With all the predicted plagues of locusts, floods, and droughts, Rev. Wood could be right about Crawford's weather: Maybe it is a sign from God. And maybe the message is that Bush ought to get serious about global warming.

STEPHANIE MENCIMER is an editor of The Washington Monthly.