Put an end to homework battles with your children

Jet, Sept 15, 2003

A familiar scenario occurs each day in households across the nation. Child comes home from school, dumps book bag on floor, turns on television. Parent asks, "Don't you have homework?"

"I'll get to it," child replies. Parent clicks off television an sends child to bedroom to study. Soon afterward, parent checks child's progress. Child is playing video game.

"Didn't I tell you to do your homework?" parent asks.

"I took a break," child replies.

"Break time just ended," parent says and removes video game. Parent later picks up phone to make call and hears child's voice on receiver.

"Are you finished studying?" parent asks, irritated.

"Not quite," child replies.

"Hang up the phone and finish your homework!" parent shouts.

"I can't wait to grow up!" child retorts, then hangs up phone.

The battle lines are drawn. Parent, now angry, confronts child. Parent issues ultimatum: homework or punishment. Child, sensing parent has been pushed to breaking point, stands down and completes homework. But ultimately, neither side wins.

Power struggles between parents and children over homework may be common, but they're far from constructive. They cause children to view studying as an undesirable chore and only lead to anger and frustration for all parties involved.

Fortunately, there are better ways to prime children for homework, and the following tips can help you foster positive attitudes about studying. Granted, your children may not fall in love with homework, but at least they'll value it as an essential part of learning. And hopefully white-flag those homework battles forever.

* BE A ROLE MODEL. Let your children see you engaged in "educational" activities, which shows them that learning is a lifelong process. Read the newspaper, write your thoughts in a journal, create a household budget, take a fun class or return to school for your degree.

* MAKE IT RELEVANT. Children will have a deeper appreciation for homework if you show them that the skills they're learning in school are useful in daily life. Assemble a toy together by following the instructions to show the value of good reading and comprehension skills, or have your children measure ingredients for a cooking recipe, count out money to buy items at the store or help balance your checkbook to prove the importance of math skills.

* ESTABLISH A STUDY ZONE. Create a quiet area in your home for studying. Keep the study zone bright and clean, keep study supplies like pens, paper, highlighters and a dictionary on hand, and keep it free of distractions like the television, the telephone and loud music. Establish a set time each day for homework and make sure other family members respect study time as do-not-disturb time. Allow your child study breaks to prevent burnout, but keep them to a minimum.

* LEND A HELPING HAND. If your child is struggling with an assignment, don't hesitate to help. Make sure your child understands the directions, then do a few problems together. Find creative ways to help your child grasp difficult concepts. Cut apples into halves, quarters or eighths to explain fractions or use nickels, dimes and quarters to teach children percentages. Compose fun rhymes, songs or raps to help them memorize study material and make homework fun.

* KNOW WHEN TO LET GO. Feeding children answers prevents them from developing independent thinking skills and mastering study material. Provide guidance, but let your child do the actual work.

* STAY ORGANIZED. Long-term assignments like book reports and science projects can overwhelm children. Help them create a step-by-step activity plan and include a list of daily or weekly deadlines, which gives children a sense of accomplishment with each finished stage. Use calendars to chart when work is due so that children can see how much time they have to complete it.

* STAY IN TOUCH AND INFORMED. Meet with teachers about your child's progress and make sure you know what kind of homework will be assigned, the homework policies and what books and supplies will be needed. Talk to your child about what happens in school each day. If your son or daughter is having trouble, encourage your child to ask the teacher for extra help. But don't stop there. Ask the teacher to suggest ways you can help your child. Visit Web sites such as the National PTA site (www.pta.org) for tips. If something is beyond your expertise, consider a tutor.

* CELEBRATE SUCCESS. Reward diligence at studying and completing assignments with a special family activity, which reinforces good homework habits in children.