Tips for keeping tabs on your kids

Jet, March 29, 2004

Sometimes it's like walking a tightrope with your teenagers when it comes to keeping them within set boundaries while giving them room to be themselves.

But in order to avoid the pitfalls of drugs, alcohol and teenage pregnancy, it's important to know who they're with, what they're doing, where they're going and when they're coming back, and with a few tips from the Department of Health & Human Services and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, you can learn to keep better tabs on your child.

Location. Location. Location.

It's 4 p.m. on a school day, do you know where your child is? As children move into their teen years, they take on more responsibility, but it doesn't mean you take on less. Set specific times for them to contact you when they get home and you're still at work, or encourage your child to participate in after-school activities (under adult supervision), sports programs or martial arts classes. They could also get an after-school job. This can provide teens with structure and positive reinforcement of values.

It Takes A Village.

Know your child's friends. Have a small party at your house and invite the parents of his friends. Have his friends stay for dinner. Ask them about their parents. Make a point of meeting your child's friends' parents. Network with other parents, agree to keep an eye on one another's child; get a list of everyone's addresses, e-mails, and phone numbers so that you can keep in touch with your child.

Trust, But Verify.

Sometimes teenagers tell parents one thing then do another, so in the interest of safeguarding trust, occasionally check to see that your kids are where they say they're going to be. Or show up a little early to pick him up so that you can observe his behavior. And don't be afraid to go through your child's room every once and a while if you suspect he or she may be using drugs.

Communication.

While it may seem like a boon to have pagers and cell phones with text messaging in order to keep track of your teen, nothing beats good old face-to-face talk. No loving relationship can exist without communication. Parents who listen give children confidence to talk about their concerns and problems.

But there's more to communicating with your teen than just talking. You can keep the lines open by knowing how to listen and when to talk. Treat your children as if they are the definitive experts on fashion, music, TV, and movies that people their age follow in order to know about the sights and sounds that influence them.

Sometimes it's impossible to be both a friend AND a parent at the same time. You may even occasionally feel you're pestering or stalking your own child. It's called parenting.