Former football star tells of life with mental illness; 'I'm not crazy'

Jet, May 19, 2008 by Margena A. Christian

Herschel Walker said a former minister once wanted to perform an "exorcism" on him to rid the retired NFL legend of multiple personalities.

"I laughed," Walker told JET. "There were so many good things going on with me. God can't live in the devil. I knew that wasn't real."

What was real, said Walker, 46, was his being diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) nearly 10 years ago. While writing about his experiences for "therapy," Walker decided to detail his journey in order to help others.

"People don't want to deal with it because it's so foreign," said Walker, whose autobiography is titled Breaking Free: My Life With Dissociative Identity Disorder (Touchstone Howard Hardcover/Simon & Schuster, $24.95). "I know people are hurting and suffering that's been hiding and ashamed because of the movie Sybil," Walker said of the drama whose title character had multiple personalities. "People laugh and make jokes. People now may think I'm nuts. I'm not crazy. If there is anything in your life changing, you might need things to get back in order."

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Formerly known as multiple personality disorder, DID is characterized by a person having two or more distinct personalities. Walker, who has been in therapy, said such a person can live a normal life.

Treatment consists primarily of psychotherapy with hypnosis, according to the National Alliance on Mental Illness. The therapist seeks to make contact with as many "alters"--or identities-as possible to understand their roles.

Walker spent 12 years in the NFL before retiring in 1997. Regarded as one of the greatest players in college football history, he was the center of attention on the field, but when his career ended, he had no idea what was happening mentally.

"My life was going well. I was living 'in high cotton' as they say, but I was doing things that weren't me," he recalled. "I had anger. My ex-wife was telling me things I didn't remember. She told me I was so mean to her. I knew I needed help."

One of the symptoms of DID is a disconnection from time and events--good or bad. Walker's lack of recollection is why he can't remember winning the Heisman Trophy or choking and threatening to kill his then-wife, Cindy.

"People say, 'You don't remember bad things to not be accountable.' I come out with a book like this, so I am accountable," said Walker, referring to skeptics who say he's using the illness to promote his book.

Cindy, now remarried, and Walker divorced in 2003 after 16 years of marriage. They have a son, Christian, 8.

Uncertain as to how many alters he has, at least 12 are revealed in the book. They are listed by roles such as the Hero, the Enforcer, the Coach, or the Daredevil.

"You do give them names," said Walker. "But you don't say, 'I'm going to turn into Fred or Buster. It's an automatic thing."

During his role as the Competitor, he played Russian Roulette. "People thought I was trying to commit suicide," said Walker. "I wasn't. It was the competitive nature. That's the ultimate game."

The disorder isn't hereditary, said Walker. His father, Willis, told the Atlanta Journal-Constitution (AJC), "I know him better than anybody else 'cause I raised him. I don't know nothing about that disorder business."

Vince Dooley, Walker's former Georgia coach told the newspaper, "That's all news to me. All I know is whatever personality he had, when he had the football was the one I liked."

Walker said that his father and others had no clue about the DID.

"He wouldn't know about it. I left home at 16," said Walker, referring to his dad. "Players I played with said they didn't see me act weird. Why would they see it? I was playing football," said Walker. "You might see that personality. That's all you'll see."

He hasn't let the diagnosis define or limit him. "Maybe those multiples helped me to win the Heisman Trophy," Walker said. "Maybe those multiples helped me to break records. Maybe those multiples put me on the Olympic team. We don't know this ... To be honest, I'm much stronger. I'm better now than I was. This is a new and improved Herschel Walker."

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Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID):

* DID is a dissociative disorder involving a disturbance of identity in which two or more separate and distinct personality states (or identities) control the individual's behavior at different times. When under the control of one identity, the person is usually unable to remember some of the events that occurred while other personalities were in control.

Source: National Alliance on Mental Illness