What you should know before saying 'I do'

Jet, June 19, 2006 by Dana Slagle

You've dated, fallen in love, and now you've decided to take the next logical step-marriage.

Now that you and your sweetie have settled on moving your relationship to the pinnacle of promise, you're probably ready to jump right in and start to plan for the big day.

But before you get too caught up in the excitement of wedding bliss, there are a few things you should consider prior to saying "I do."

JET talked to some experts who shared helpful information for you to consider:

Money Matters

Almost everyone likes money, but deciding what to do with it is another story. Imagine how complicated things can get when two incomes merge. When it comes to finances, experts believe couples should discuss everything from their earnings and credit ratings to assets and liabilities.

"They should also discuss and then decide on how their finances will be handled," says Gloria Morrow, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and president of GM Psychological Services in Upland, CA. "It is important for couples to make a decision about joint or separate checking accounts and developing a budget, as well as setting both short- and long-term financial goals, such as saving money, buying a home or taking vacations," adds Morrow, author of several books, including Strengthening The Ties That Bind'. A Guide To A Healthy Marriage.

Talk Is Not Cheap

One thing couples should make sure that they understand before they tie the knot is that communication is key. Bishop Thomas Weeks III and his wife, best selling author and Bible teacher Juanita Bynum, who have used their ministries to counsel singles and couples through their Teach Me How To Love You books and conferences, know this firsthand.

Weeks, who describes communication as "the glue that holds a relationship together," says, "Communication is a tool that allows me to learn the person, who they are, what they need ... In order for me to show them love I must learn how to communicate," explains Weeks, an author and speaker who has counseled people for more than 15 years. He says the Teach Me How To Love You ministry began after he and his wife had a misunderstanding. He realized that he needed not only to understand his wife, but to find a way to show her that he loved her.

Together Time

Whether you enjoy romantic dates, intimate conversations or one-on-one together time, couples who lead busy lives may find that romance, intimacy and passion can go from a blazing fire to a puff of smoke. Bynum, who travels the country preaching and teaching, knows the pressures of balancing together time and a profession. However, she also wants couples to know that making time for your mate is a must.

"I think you should discuss that it's very important that we make quality time and that we find that time, and that we don't become so wrapped up and involved in our careers that we don't see the importance of spending that quality time," explains Bynum, who says romance can involve simple things such as sitting and talking.

To take it a step further, Morrow says intimacy involves friendship and closeness and, when developed properly, can lead to romance and a good love life. She reminds couples that "when men romance a woman's mind from the moment she gets up in the morning, her body will say 'thank you' when he comes home that night."

Kiss & Make Up

Whether people have been together for five years or 50, arguments are bound to happen. Unfortunately, "Some couples enter into marriage thinking they will avoid conflict at all costs," Morrow says. But that's not the case.

"Conflict is inevitable and a natural part of marital relationships," Morrow adds. "However, unnecessary conflict should be avoided because never-ending fighting and fussing will kill a marriage."

Bynum, who nicknamed her tiffs with her husband "heated fellowship," concurs and advises couples to "Pick your fights."

Couples should also know how to resolve their disagreements.

"That is the true fire extinguisher in a relationship," says Weeks, who will host the third conference from June 22 to 24 in Decatur, GA. He also believes couples should talk openly with their mates, and work toward turning their arguments into assets by meeting each other's needs.

Facing Your Faith

Life would be easy if everybody worshipped the same. However, that's far from the truth. When it comes to spirituality, experts feel it's important to discuss your beliefs. If two people have different beliefs, Bynum says couples should not try to change or influence their mate's beliefs. Instead, she says, the key is to have love and reverence for your mate's beliefs, as long as it doesn't hinder your spiritual direction.

"I think there has to be some level of respect for what you believe," says Bynum, who knows this firsthand. Her faith roots were from the Church of God In Christ, and her husband came from the Pentecostal Assemblies of the World.

"The bottom line is, does what you believe cause you to live a lifestyle that is pleasing to God," adds Bynum, who has been married to her husband for four years.