What Makes A Perfect Mate?

When it comes to romantic relationships and the possibility of marriage, many find themselves in search of that special someone who stands out above the rest. That one person who makes your heart flutter and your life complete. In other words-the perfect mate.

But what is it that makes a perfect mate?

Relationship therapist Dr. Ronn Elmore says that a perfect mate does exist. And they are perfect because they are "the wonderful, but imperfect person whom you are willing to choose to offer the best of your wonderful but imperfect love, affection and self-sacrifice to, and accept the same from them."

The best-selling author of How To Love A Black Man and How To Love A Black Woman notes that "perfection is two imperfect people who choose to love in light of and in spite their mutual imperfections."

Jewel Diamond Taylor, who's labeled "the self-esteem doctor," agrees with Elmore, conceding that there may be someone just perfect for you, but he or she isn't necessarily perfect.

"An old African proverb states, Before marriage, keep both eyes open, after marriage, close one eye. This wisdom teaches us that forgiveness, understanding and acceptance are needed to sustain a relationship," states Taylor, the author of Success Gems and You Are Too Blessed To Be Stressed.

Taylor says, "Society, media and the music industry promote and perpetuate the idea of romance, quick fix solutions, `celebrity couples' and the myth of beautiful people in fairy tales." However, in real life "a person is perfect for you when you feel comfortable with that person; when you feel appreciated and you don't feel vulnerable."

Social psychologist and best-selling author of 10 Good Choices That Empower Black Women's Lives, Dr. Grace Cornish, concurs with Taylor that many who are searching for a mate have a preconceived image of the person. "They want a mate who fits into a mold, who's driving a certain type of car or who's wearing a certain type of suit. They just want what they think they should want based on social conditioning."

However, Dr. Cornish states "There's not a Mr. or Ms. Right by social conditions, but there's a perfect mate for you depending on your individual stage of development. Whatever stage of development we are in, that's the type of person we manage to attract in our lives."

People are often looking for completion through another person, states William July II, speaker and author of Brothers, Lust and Love and Understanding The Tin Man.

He says, "People are looking for a person to bring an endless honeymoon into their lives, but that's not reality. When their paramour turns out to be simply a human, the person expecting the perfection feels betrayed.

"Two half people make one whole mess. In other words, the two people don't complete each other. They have to come into a relationship as a whole person with lots to offer."

July explains that in searching for the perfect mate realistically, "You're looking for a person who is the right type-match for you. This is critical because you're better off alone than with the wrong person importing pain and drama into your life. You have to have a like-minded spiritual basis."

July also says that you and your partner should have the same motivations, ethics, religion and beliefs about morals.

Psychologist Dr. Joyce Hamilton Berry believes that there is a definite difference between the two sexes when it comes to the illusion of perfection. "I think men have a tendency to be more critical. Critical in terms of `she's a little too fat' or `she's not pretty enough.' Women can be more accepting of men. They tend to look at a man's potential," she reveals.

However, she advises that when seeking the perfect mate you should look for someone who is honest, kind and who keeps his or her commitments.

Since the perfect mate doesn't really exist, Taylor says that people should concentrate more on finding a mate with similar values and lifestyles.

"In the best relationships, partners learn from each other's strong points and celebrate their differences. Ask yourself, `Is this the kind of person I could respect and like after the passion fades?'" she says.

She continues, "Make a list of his or her strong qualities and the weak qualities. If the strong qualities are too short, beware, take your time."